IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London 2000-2010.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London 2000-2010.
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #london
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The multi-line graph illustrates data on the three
bakeries
Change noun form
bakeries'
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 profit on a yearly basis in London, over a decade.
Overall
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 Sofia and Cake Lab
where
Correct your spelling
were
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 rising during the years from 2000-2010 , Buns Cafe had fallen and was
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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last
Linking Words
 place in 2010, in spite of dominating ten years ago. Sofia's revenue recorded
a
Remove the article
apply
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firm stability within
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 five years at about 58 000.
While
Linking Words
 Cake Lab gained a profit
at
Change preposition
of
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 more than 60 000.
However
Linking Words
 , in the rest of the
period
Add a comma
,period
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 both trends saw a
rocketing
Replace the word
rocket
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 in sales. It is
also
Linking Words
 clear that Sofia had income at
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
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 number
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 100 000
in contrast
Linking Words
 with
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 two trends .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the rate of Cake
Lab
Change noun form
Lab's
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 income went up steeply from 40 000 to 65 000. In reference to Buns cafe, at the
beginning
Add a comma
,beginning
show examples
 it had been
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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first place with
income
Correct article usage
an income
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 rate
at
Change preposition
of
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 about 80 000.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 it fell dramatically over a period. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that Buns' profit degree started to fall without any recovery from 2004 at about 80 000,
then
Linking Words
at the
Linking Words
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 it climbed to minimum from maximum
with
Change preposition
to
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 37 000.
Submitted by tukhtakulov98 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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