IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many cities, some planners have located shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas, which are widely separated from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages for residents?

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There is no doubt that these days city planning affects
people
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’s lives in many ways. The question is: does separating homes, schools, shops, and offices into different areas bring more advantages or disadvantages for residents? In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides and give my opinion. On the one hand,
this
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 type of planning has some clear advantages. The main reason is that it helps make
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
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 more peaceful and quiet.
For example
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, if offices and shopping
centers
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centres
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 are located far from
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
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,
people
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 can enjoy more rest and less noise during the day and night.
In other words
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, it improves the quality of life for families, especially for children and older
people
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.
Also
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, separating areas can help reduce traffic in some
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
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, making them safer and less crowded.
As a result
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, residents may feel more relaxed and happier where they live.
On the other hand
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, there are some strong disadvantages.
Firstly
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,
people
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 have to travel longer distances to reach work, school, or shopping
centers
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centres
show examples
.
Secondly
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,
this
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 increases the use of cars and public transport, which leads to more pollution and traffic jams.
Also
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, not everyone has easy access to transport, especially
people
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 with low income or the elderly.
This
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 means that daily life becomes harder for many, and
people
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 may spend more time and money just to go to basic places. In conclusion,
although
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 separating city areas can make some places quieter and more organized, I believe the disadvantages are more serious.
Therefore
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, I think planners should design cities in a way that combines comfort with easy access.
It is clear that
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 good planning should help
people
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 live near the services they need.

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task achievement
While your introduction states your intention clearly, consider making a stronger statement regarding your opinion on the topic in the introduction itself. This will provide clearer direction for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. This will enhance your logical flow.
task achievement
To elevate your score, incorporate a few more relevant examples or anecdotes that illustrate your points, particularly in the disadvantages section. This can strengthen your arguments considerably.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an effective introduction and a well-defined conclusion, which enhances readability and comprehension.
task achievement
Your arguments are straightforward and relevant, showing a solid understanding of the topic and clear reasoning throughout the essay.
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