IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Women should have an equal role alongside men in both police and armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#women #role #men #police #forces
Increasing numbers of women are choosing to join in military and
police
force
.
Although
 I think that females should be given enough chances in
such
 national security division, I personally disagree, with the idea that there is no need for an equal participation in certain positions. One the one hand, women should be chosen for jobs according to their skills, qualifications and character. Indeed, females are capable of doing jobs in which communication and high pressure are involved.
For example
, Marta Chavez, who was the minister of national defence in Peru from 1990 to 1995, marked an important precedent being the
first
 woman in the charge.
Furthermore
, she was an important figure in the fight against terrorism in those years, illustrating the large ability of women to resolve and create strategies in decisive periods.
On the other hand
, it is an undeniable fact that both males and females have specific characteristics. A great number of positions in military and
police
 forces require physical strength, which made it more suitable for men. To illustrate
this
 more, take the case of the
police
force
, who may constantly encounter fight with protesters on the street, charging heavy weapons and barriers, using only
force
 to retain the crowd.
Furthermore
, rough times as the war situation often require an objective point of view rather than sensitive emotions,
this
 could be a transcendental choice between staying alive or death. By way of conclusion, considering the fact that there are a great number of positions in the army and
police
force
 that require high physical power, I fully support the idea that there is no need to have equal roles.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: