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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table gives information about railway system of 6 cities

The table gives information about railway system of 6 cities
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The table chart delineates data on underground rail networks in six cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest figures refer to London, Paris and Tokyo,
Correct article usage
the
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railway networks of
three
Correct article usage
the three
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 other cities are smaller and serve
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 people. The London
underground
Change the capitalization
Underground
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 is the oldest
system
Use synonyms
, having been opened in 1863. It is
also
Linking Words
 considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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the largest
system
Use synonyms
 with 394
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of route.The
second
Linking Words
 largest railway network, in Paris, is approximately half size of
London
Correct article usage
the London
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 underground
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but serves more people every year.
Although
Linking Words
Tokyo
Correct article usage
the Tokyo
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 is the
third
Linking Words
 in terms of size, it is the most used one with 1972 million passengers per year. Moving on to three newer networks, the Washington DC underground is quite larger with 126
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of route, compared with 11
kilometres
Use synonyms
 and 28
kilometres
Use synonyms
 for Kyoto and Los Angeles, respectively. The Kyoto
system
Use synonyms
 is the smallest which serves only 45 million passengers on a yearly basis, the Los Angeles underground railway network is the newest
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was opened in 2001.

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words system, kilometres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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