IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extend do you agree?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
It is often observed that athletes nowadays is becoming famous not only in the battlefield, but
also
 on commercials. As we can see,
sport
 players are now often being a representative of
one
brand
 because of the consumer behaviour that tend to trust
brand
Suggestion
the brand
 more when it is influenced by similar faces.
This
 essay will discuss about the advantage and disadvantage of athletes becoming the ambassador of a
brand
.
To begin
 with, I agree that being a model in
one
 advertisement could bring more benefit than only focusing themselves in
one
 job, that are
sport
 players. Talking about the money, being a representative face in
one
 advertisement surely brings a big value of cash for the athletes. Not only bring advantages for the athletes, for the company,
brand
 usually picks
one
 ambassador, which really align with the product usage and the
brand
 communication.
For example
, we can see Christiano Ronaldo appeared on NIKE commercial video. A storyline in the video represented NIKE shoes as a suitable product for soccer players. Christiano Ronaldo did the endorsement of the product looks genuine. It succeeds increasing sales and NIKE
brand
 awareness.
In contrast
, the over-commercialization of the athletes could bring distraction for them in the game play.
In other words
, they might feel devastate with their side-jobs as a model and being unfocused with any important match they have to put their best effort on.
This
 commercialism could bring a "boomerang" for the club. The conclusion is, the advertisement of
sport
 players is good for the
sport
 industry, both for the athletes, the
brand
, and
also
 the club, but may be dangerous for the athletes in becoming tired and lose excitement for the game. To minimize its disadvantage, the coach can look after the players and make sure they have good stamina before every match.
Submitted by jhnalfarel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity culture
  • Glamorization
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Self-esteem
  • Scandals
  • Role models
  • Moral development
  • Mental health
  • Influence
  • Exposure
  • Social media platforms
  • Charity work
  • Inappropriate behavior
  • Perfection image
  • Negative impact
  • Inspire children
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!