IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that developed
countries
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 often provide financial assistance to poorer nations in an effort to reduce
poverty
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.
However
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, some people argue that
this
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 approach has not been effective and that other forms of
support
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 should be prioritised.
Although
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 some may disagree with
this
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 view, I partly
support
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 it
due to
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 several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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 essay. One of the most apparent reasons is that financial aid alone may not address the root causes of
poverty
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. To illustrate, without proper management and long-term planning, funds may be misused or fail to create sustainable development.
For instance
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, money given to governments may not always reach those in need
due to
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 corruption or inefficiency.
In addition
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, financial
support
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 does not necessarily improve education, infrastructure, or employment opportunities, which are essential for long-term economic growth. Another point that should not be overlooked is that alternative forms of assistance can be more effective in reducing
poverty
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. To clarify, developed
countries
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 can provide technical
support
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, education, and training programmes to help build local capacity.
For example
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, investing in schools, healthcare systems, and infrastructure can create lasting improvements in living standards.
Furthermore
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, supporting trade opportunities and business development can enable poorer
countries
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 to become more self-sufficient and reduce their dependence on external aid. To recapitulate, it is evident that financial aid alone is insufficient to solve
poverty
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,
while
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 alternative forms of
support
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,
such
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 as education and infrastructure development, can offer more sustainable solutions.
Therefore
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, I believe that developed
countries
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 should combine financial assistance with other types of help to effectively address
poverty
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 in the long term.

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task response
Make your position more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but your body mostly supports one side.
task response
Add one short idea for the other side, so your partly agree view feels more balanced.
task response
Use more direct and real examples, not only general ones.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas a bit more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases are a little formal and repeated. Keep your points simple and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point a little more with cause and result.
task response
You answer the question and stay on the topic all through the essay.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a good order and each one has one main point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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