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Band 3.5

- Science will soon make people live up to 100 or even 200 years. Some believe this is good thing while others disagree . discuss both view and your own opinion.

#science #people #years #believe
It is generally believed that as the
life
span
 is being extended these days,
retirement
age
 should be increased simultaneously. I tend to agree with those people as it may lead to the economic flourish.
To begin
 with, rules
shoul
Suggestion
the rules
d be changed and updated by the legislature and other authorities equal to
societ
y trans
Suggestion
societal
formation.
Age
 of
retirement
 is affected by some criteria like
life
span
,
society
 needs and economic requirements.
Thus
 i
t is lo
Accept comma addition
Thus, it
gical to change
this
age
 as these factors are changing.
Moreover
, if workin
g period becam
Suggestion
the working period
e longer, it would be a great aid to econom
y. Peop
Suggestion
the economy
le in the
retirement
 period will turn into the pure consumers and their burden should be carried by other
society
 sections.
This
 phenomenon if happened out of balance, may lead to the economic and
subsequently
society
 crisis.
However
, it should not be denied that
age
 of
retirement
 is not limited to
lif
e
Accept comma addition
to, life
span
, econom
ic and
Suggestion
economics
economy
society
 requirements. Of great significance is that other principles like people
abili
Suggestion
peoples'
peoples
ties in high ages,
societ
y accep
Suggestion
society's
tance, mental preparation and etc sh
oul
continuing in the same way
etc.
d be considered. Based on research carried out by scientists, efficiency may alleviate after specific
age
 and it is likely to inflict adverse impact on work e
nvironment. By
Suggestion
the work environment
work environments
the way of conclu
sion it appea
Accept comma addition
conclusion, it
rs to me that enhancement of
retirement
age
 equal to elevate of
life
span
 may lead to the growth of economic due to increase of workforces in societies.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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