IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2010.

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2010.
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The line graph illustrates how many people
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 traded in three
sectors
Use synonyms
 (Public, Private and Self- employed) of the economy in the UK, 2000-2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, what
stand
Change the verb form
stands
show examples
 out from the graph both the self-employed and public part contracting
rates
Use synonyms
 rose
considerable
Change preposition
for considerable
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 periods of time,
while
Linking Words
 private region
rates
Use synonyms
 declined dramatically. If we compare that sector, as
regard
Change the form of the verb
regards
show examples
 that though given information, we can see all
sectors
Use synonyms
 service
rates
Use synonyms
 began in 2000. At that time
additionally
Linking Words
, there was
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
 between them, public region
rates
Use synonyms
, which were
approximate
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 38%, private district
rates
Use synonyms
 almost
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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50% and self-employed
rates
Use synonyms
 were under 20%. After that, private district
rates
Use synonyms
 decreased dramatically till
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of time, which was in 2010 and its
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 20 %.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, another two
sectors
Use synonyms
 which are
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and
self hiring
Add a hyphen
self-hiring
show examples
sectors
Use synonyms
, we can see plenty of people
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 employed.
They
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Both of them rose steadily, sometimes dropped a bit, and
finally
Linking Words
 surged 10% more than the beginning. In 2010,
self-employed
Correct article usage
the self-employed
show examples
 part was 20%,
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
 public region
rates
Use synonyms
 were the highest with just over 50%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, rates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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