IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that Modern Technology is making people more sensible, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both points and give your opinion

#people #technology #points
Many people has
perception
Suggestion
the perception
 that advancement in
technology making
Accept comma addition
technology, making
 them more connected with others, while some have opposite views.I think in
contemporary era
Suggestion
the contemporary era
, technology
play
Suggestion
plays
 an important role and bring different people in touch with each other.
in
Suggestion
In
this
 essay, I will give my view with an appropriate example. On the one hand, Electronics gadgets brought so many
convient
suited to your comfort or purpose or needs
convenient
convents
 changes in
everyone
Suggestion
everyone's
 life.
Moreover
, it has
it
it is
it's
 own
benefical
promoting or enhancing well-being
beneficial
 to living humans.
For example
, due to Social Media
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, Google Duo lots of human beings can keep in touch with their distant relatives and some school friends by Video calls and
also
by
Suggestion
with
 online chat.
Furthermore it's
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, it's
also
 due to new and advance gym equipments people prefer to go to various health clubs, so they can stay fit and
their
in or at that place
there
they're
also
 they meet different persons and make friends there too. According to one survey, Electronically items, play praise worthy role during
Covid19 situation
Suggestion
a Covid19 situation
Covid19 situations
 in India during Lockdown when
billion
Suggestion
a billion
 of people stay
indoor
within a building
indoors
.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 some advance effects of
its
the thing named or in question
it
.
To begin
 with, some parents believe that due to extreme use of these gadgets their children are getting isolated as they involve themselves in games
such
 as PubG and candy crush
,
Accept space
,
etc
continuing in the same way
etc.
, so much that they forget their
surrounding
the environmental condition
surroundings
.
Additionally
,
due
Suggestion
Due
 to using technique humans are getting physical ailments due to their
depencency
the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else
dependency
 on these. According to one prestige survey by Oxford university, Old people, who living their lives without using these gadgets are more active and healthy. To recapitulate, Electronic devices are blessing for many
other
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
 who wants to close with relatives and even with children who study abroad, only if they can use it in
proper way
Suggestion
a proper way
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: