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Band 4.5

Prisons are an expensive way of making bad people worse. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prisons #people
Many people commit crimes for which they have to repay in terms of
prison
, that makes their nature more aggressive and converts them into more worse human being
.
Accept space
.
 Somehow
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
says
Suggestion
say
 that
such
 situation is not in all cases and partially agree
to
Suggestion
with
 the topic Out of all the reasons, I say that
although
 it has been seen that the few prisoners after giving some golden years of their life behind the bars, they are more dangerous than before and their inner fear disappears. As nothing can control their minds and start doing more crimes because it has been
observed they
Accept comma addition
observed, they
 are having a big support from big gangster groups or
some time
at some indefinite or unstated time
sometime
 even support from the
polititians
a leader engaged in civil administration
politicians
 too.
Moreover their
Accept comma addition
Moreover, their
 minds are diverted to money and drugs and which give the rise to a fearful
person
 to the society and country. On the reverse view of it I disagree that after doing
crime
 many people show their forgiveness after spending some time in the
prison
. They do
regrets
Suggestion
regret
 for their
crime
 and move ahead in their life
inorders
Suggestion
in orders
 to regain the trust of other people so that their family members or relatives free from the insecurity.
Moreover many
Accept comma addition
Moreover, many
 criminals are not professional, but the situation forced them to commit
crime
 and for that they have
bares
Suggestion
bared
 the
prison
for instance
 a well known
bollywood
the film industry of India
Bollywood
 actor Mr Sanjay
dutt
Suggestion
Dutt
 has to face
prisonment
 after it was found guilty in drugs matter but after some years of his
prison
 he is back in
movies
Suggestion
the movies
 again. To conclude,
prison
 makes realise that the
crime
 has
repay
Suggestion
repaid
 in terms of giving their golden years of life, sometime it
convert
Suggestion
converts
 criminals more danger
person
 and sometime it
change
Suggestion
changes
 bad
person
into good
Suggestion
into a good person
in good person
in in good person
person
 too.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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