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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
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Nowadays children have more
freedom
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 than their previous generations. Some people believe children’s abundant
freedom
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 could contribute to their
misbehaviors
improper or wicked or immoral behavior
misbehaviour
 and problems in personalities. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 voice exaggerates
freedom
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’s potential negative influence on children’s development.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, only if children are given sufficient
freedom
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, can they develop healthy personalities. The opponent of children’s ‘too much’
freedom
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 largely based their views on a
misbelief
Suggestion
 that children will not be well-behaved unless strict restrictions are placed on them.
However
Linking Words
, over-rigorous and less free education may exert enormous pressure on children’s minds, giving rise to more
misbehaviors
improper or wicked or immoral behavior
misbehaviour
misbehaviours
misbehaviours'
 ironically
in contrast
Linking Words
 with the initial intentions to impose rigid regulations on children. More profoundly, in the long run, stifling educational style depriving children of necessary
freedom
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 is likely to impair children’s self-esteem or cause rebellious personalities, as many psychological studies suggested.
Instead
Linking Words
, for their healthy development, children should be entitled to enjoy their rights of
freedom
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. If given greater autonomy in their own life, children will learn to deal with problems by themselves.
As a result
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, their independence will have a great increase, which gives them an edge in competitive circumstances compared to the children used to relying on their parents.
In addition
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, children with more
freedom
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 are easier to develop critical thinking skills because they are accustomed to considering issues with their intelligence.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these children are less liable to succumb to authorities’ opinions without thinking independently, and most of them would show more initiatives and originalities than those nurtured in less free circumstances. In conclusion,
freedom
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 is vital for a child’s development. Parents should give them adequate
freedom
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 to make sure they become independent and mentally robust people.
Submitted by jiangxuncao on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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