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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period

The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period
The table illustrates how many people visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Ashdown Museum either year before or the year after
Correct article usage
the restructuration
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restructuration
Replace the word
restructuring
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,
while
Linking Words
 the pie charts demonstrate
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 of replying
Linking Words
Change preposition
to this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
questtionarrie
Correct your spelling
questionaries
Change preposition
of weither
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weither
Correct your spelling
either
whether
 satisfied or dissatisfied when
vistiors
Correct your spelling
visitors
 go to
this
Linking Words
meseum
Correct your spelling
museum
, during the same two periods.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 the most
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
proportion
Use synonyms
 of visitor satisfaction surveys before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 is experienced by
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, it is shown by
dissatisfied
Replace the word
dissatisfaction
show examples
 after the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the percentage of dissatisfaction
register
Correct subject-verb agreement
registers
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 a decrease, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of satisfaction
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
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 a rise. As can be seen from the graph,
Correct article usage
the dissatisfed
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dissatisfed
Correct your spelling
dissatisfied
 rate of visitor result of surveys before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 top in
rankings
Correct article usage
the rankings
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
two-fifths (40%), followed by
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 which has a rate of approximately a
third
Linking Words
 (30%).
Moreover
Linking Words
,
satisfied
Add an article
the satisfied
show examples
proportion
Use synonyms
 of visitor
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 of surveys has
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
 trend after restructuration, which
account
Change the verb form
accounts
show examples
 for 40%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the percentage of
dissatisfed
Correct your spelling
dissatisfied
 during the same two periods -
year
Add an article
a year
the year
show examples
 before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 and
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
- decrease substantially from 40% to 15%, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of very dissatisfied,
however
Linking Words
, decrease slowly,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stood at 10% and 5% respectively.
Further
Linking Words
, the rate of
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 from before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 to after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
growth between 30% and 40%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, refurbishment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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