Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #music #cultures #ages

Some people believe that

music

will make people from different cultures and ages to stick together. In my opinion, I agree that

music

will bring the unity to each other because

music

is universal and give the same chance for people to listen. It is clear that

music

can be

listened

detected or perceived by the sense of hearing

heard

in all the countries around the

world

. Every country has their own type of

music

, either general

music

or cultural

music

Likewise

, for the general

music

such

as pop, R&B, jazz, classic are provided in every country,

thus

Accept comma addition

thus, although

although

every

people

Suggestion

person

have

Suggestion

has

difference

Suggestion

different

cultures, they can still listen to the

music

For instance

, in developing countries

such

as Indonesia and India, which have different backgrounds of

life including

Accept comma addition

life, including

the culture, but

young

Suggestion

younger

generations in both of the countries tend to like the same pop

music

from America.

Therefore

music

is universal for every person in the

world

without the exception.

On the other hand

music

also make

Suggestion

also makes

the same chance for people in different ages to listen. There is no a restriction

Suggestion

music

for its listener, all the genres can be

listened

detected or perceived by the sense of hearing

heard

by all people.

For example

, pop

music

can be listened for both young and old generations. In Indonesia, students and parents have the same occasion to

listen

perceive (sound) via the auditory sense

hear

the same

music

and song and it does not need the permission from the other people. In conclusion,

music

is the essential part

Suggestion

the

world

, because there is no specific rule to enjoy the

music

Likewise

music

is not the sensitive part of

life

Accept comma addition

life, such

such

as religion, nationality, and language.

Thus

, it can bring the togetherness for all the people around the

world

Submitted by Nora on Thu Jun 11 2020

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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