ome say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that people who are wealthy should help to others

such

that it has been the most principle features of being rich person.

Although

rich persons can help charities or orphanages, I strongly disagree with that it is a duty of wealthy persons to help others. There are some reasons why helping others by affluent individuals is not always important.

First

of all, if moneyed persons try to help poor people in a community,

this

activity causes to create an incorrect belief in the community. Most people who are weak financial persons do not try to attain wealth, even they sometimes do not any works to afford their needs since these people know always there are someone to support their life. So, laziness will be common in the culture.

Secondly

, another reason why helping reach people is not useful is it affects adversely on young and teenager thoughts. They will not attempt to reach a comfortable life in their entire lives because they have adequate money for different situations by well-off persons.

On the other hand

, assist of rich people cause some difficulties in their own lives.

For example

, if rich people accept, they have the opportunity to aid others, there will not a person who wealthier than their selves to give assistance to them when they face a big financial problem.

Moreover

, when well-off persons consider that they try to gain more money, but they should pay that money to needy persons while poor people do not any work for their life, they will lose hardworking property and

finally

this

will have a long-term negative economic consequence of a society.

Therefore

, the society will change a low-income country day-by-day. In conclusion, it is good idea that wealthy persons to help orphanages or other people without any home and job, I think it should not be a duty for affluent persons because it causes some difficulties in their lives and the society.

Submitted by Baran B on Sun Jun 14 2020

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

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