IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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Some people believe that animal experimentation is terrible and should be banned and others argue that it will result in important scientific breakthroughs. These experiments are allowed especially for research and medical purposes and an alternative for
this
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 examination is to conduct the experiment on human corpses. The examinations and research on faunas can be accepted as long they are utilised for research purposes. The results can be paramount for science and technology, especially for pharmaceutical testing to invent
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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novel drugs and vaccines. Since drugs require several examinations and testing before it is applied to humans, it is necessary to test on living creatures, which are animals.
For example
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, animal testing was found to be successful in fighting COVID-19. If they had not tested the vaccines on rats, the scientists would not have found the formula to create vaccines.
Consequently
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, animal examinations are tremendously important for drug discovery. Examination of human dead bodies is an alternative to animal experimentation. The results will be more accurate since it has a similar autonomy configuration.
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, it should be noted that
this
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 experimentation is considered cruel and most of their family will have an objection to conducting
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 experiment.
For instance
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, for the corpses that experienced severe car accidents, their families reject to undertake
further
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 tests as part of the accident investigation. In conclusion,
this
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 essay elucidates that animal experimentations are still allowed
due to
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 its importance in scientific inventions. Another possibility without hurting animals is to conduct experiments on dead bodies.

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task achievement
Your essay begins with a clear introduction of the topic, but it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining your position. It's important to directly address the question and make your stance known in the introduction.
task achievement
Your main points are somewhat supported by examples, however, the examples could be more detailed and specific to illustrate your point effectively. Aim to provide clear, specific examples that directly support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a structure that can be followed, but the logical flow between ideas can be significantly improved. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth and demonstrate a clear line of reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to encapsulate your main points more efficiently. The conclusion should clearly restate your thesis and summarise the main arguments presented in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Following sentences should elaborate on that idea, and each paragraph should end with a sentence that summarizes the point and/or transitions to the next idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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