IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #people
Never before have children been bombarded with an increasing amount of advertising which is often believed to have an adverse influence on them. In my opinion, playing on a child’s vulnerability is immoral and inappropriate advertising should be banned,
however
, advertising can be sometimes beneficial and used for the benefit of children. When an advertisement targets children, it takes advantage of their inability to discern what is good for them.
This
 is because young viewers believe in everything they see
in commercials, not
Suggestion
commercials, not
 realizing the difference between the factitious presentation of goods and the reality. As
such
, being lured by these commercials, they pester their parents to buy absolutely unnecessary things. To illustrate, MacDonald adds low-quality toys to their Happy Meal packages to persuade children to eat these unhealthy snacks.
However
, social advertising can be used to foster children’s wellbeing educating them about recycling or developing healthy habits. Social advertising strikes a chord in children’s hearts, leaving children’s think of environmental issues that are faced at present.
Therefore
, social commercials are part and parcel of nurturing an environmentally conscious generation and
therefore
 very beneficial. To illustrate, having launched the promotion of sorting domestic waste aimed at a young audience, Norway has doubled its recycling rate. In conclusion, advertising can be used to educate
children according
Accept comma addition
children, according
 to the challenges of today and should be encouraged so long as it is benefitting the child.
Therefore
, it is only a problem phenomenon if it fosters negative habits and
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
behaviours
such
 as excessive consumerism.
Submitted by Elena L on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: