IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

People should plan for their retirement by saving money. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #plan #retirement #money
Every year, a plethora of breadwinners are retired from their jobs. Few factions of the society opine to the notion that individuals must save
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 amount of monetary funds for a secure future. I strongly espouse
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 idea and
hence
,
this
 essay will discuss why it is significant for people to save income before the retirement period. First and foremost, after retiring, the employees or workers are left with limited resources of income; mostly, they are dependent on the Government or their children. In that case, if the individuals have savings with them, they do not have to be concerned about the
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 future.
For example
, in any uncertain medical emergency,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retired individuals can use their savings.
Additionally
, they can use the amount
for visiting
Change preposition
to visit
show examples
 new places and enjoy the rest of their lives peacefully. In some Western nations, the Government takes full responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their senior citizens, including
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accommodation, power, medical amenities and so on. In
such
 countries, people save less because they already have security provided to them by the local bureaucrats.
Moreover
, in a country like India, the elders have certain expectations from their children
for supporting
Change preposition
to support
show examples
 them in their twilight age.
On the other hand
, the children
also
 want their parents to support them by taking care of their grandchildren. In my opinion, early planning for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement by saving money is necessary. It makes life comfortable and peaceful. Even if the person who receives a pension from the government sector monthly, should save some amount of money.
Submitted by varun arora on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The response addresses the task question effectively and presents a clear argument supporting the importance of saving for retirement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion. The ideas are presented in a logical order, making the essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • peace of mind
  • comfortable living standard
  • compound interest
  • unexpected expenses
  • financial stress
  • well-funded retirement
  • government pensions
  • retirement benefits
  • cost of living
  • economic uncertainties
  • financial discipline
What to do next:
Look at other essays: