Some people decide to start their own busniess instead of working hour for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?
Some believe that running
one
's own business
is better than working for a company
. In my opinion, the benefits of having one
's own business
outweigh the drawbacks in comparison with working hours for a company
or organization. This
essay will discuss both the strengths and weaknesses of this
thought with some relevant instances.
First of all, one
outstanding benefit of being an entrepreneur is gaining much more money rather than being an employee for a company
. There is no doubt that why most wealthy people are business
owners
,not employees. For example
, a man who owns an Italian restaurant
in Sydney could gain an income of at least 1,000 dollars a day. On the other hand
, a waitress working at this
restaurant
could obtain a wage of approximately 300 dollars for a whole day. Secondly
, the business
owners
could schedule their own time with flexible working hours, because sometimes the business
could be run by their employees. To exemplify this
statement, the man owning that shop needs to set the direction of running the business
and might come to recheck how the restaurant
is run by the workers twice a week,which no one
definitely forces the owners
to work every day. As a consequence
, an owner could have more flexible time to do other preferable things compared to the workers.
On the other hand
, there is a noticeable drawback to this
belief. Firstly
, starting one
's own company
absolutely requires an enormous budget to settle the business
at the beginning of the period;however
,being a waitress at the restaurant
does not require any proof of statement,just having some experience in hospitality is a plus. Undoubtedly, starting one
's own coffee shop in Sydney demands a number of considerations such
as renting a building,purchasing a coffee machine, hiring many workers to work at the front as well as
taking care of the kitchen section, and decorating the shop. As a result
,settling one
business
might demand much budget of approximately 20,000-30,000 dollars at the starting period.
To conclude
, I personally think that the benefits of starting one
's own business
outweigh the drawbacks in the long term in case of gaining huge income and the flexibility of working hours. Nevertheless
,those advantages depend on how well the owners
handle their own business
and many relevant factors including economy and business
trends.Submitted by phanphetpor on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence. For example, between the benefits and drawbacks, a sentence that guides the reader through the shift could be helpful.
task achievement
While the main points are clear and supported, try to develop them in greater detail. Adding more examples and expanding on the existing ones can strengthen the task response.
general
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'busniess' instead of 'business' and missing spaces after commas. Proofreading can help catch these small mistakes.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear framework for the essay.
complete response
The essay successfully addresses the prompt, discussing both advantages and disadvantages with relevant examples.
supported main points
Main points are logically and consistently supported, which strengthens the argument presented.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.