Some people decide to start their own busniess instead of working hour for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Some believe that running
one
's own
business
is better than working for a
company
. In my opinion, the benefits of having
one
's own
business
outweigh the drawbacks in comparison with working hours for a
company
or organization.
This
essay will discuss both the strengths and weaknesses of
this
thought with some relevant instances. First of all,
one
outstanding benefit of being an entrepreneur is gaining much more money rather than being an employee for a
company
. There is no doubt that why most wealthy people are
business
owners
,not employees.
For example
, a man who owns an Italian
restaurant
in Sydney could gain an income of at least 1,000 dollars a day.
On the other hand
, a waitress working at
this
restaurant
could obtain a wage of approximately 300 dollars for a whole day.
Secondly
, the
business
owners
could schedule their own time with flexible working hours, because sometimes the
business
could be run by their employees. To exemplify
this
statement, the man owning that shop needs to set the direction of running the
business
and might come to recheck how the
restaurant
is run by the workers twice a week,which no
one
definitely forces the
owners
to work every day.
As a consequence
, an owner could have more flexible time to do other preferable things compared to the workers.
On the other hand
, there is a noticeable drawback to
this
belief.
Firstly
, starting
one
's own
company
absolutely requires an enormous budget to settle the
business
at the beginning of the period;
however
,being a waitress at the
restaurant
does not require any proof of statement,just having some experience in hospitality is a plus. Undoubtedly, starting
one
's own coffee shop in Sydney demands a number of considerations
such
as renting a building,purchasing a coffee machine, hiring many workers to work at the front
as well as
taking care of the kitchen section, and decorating the shop.
As a result
,settling
one
business
might demand much budget of approximately 20,000-30,000 dollars at the starting period.
To conclude
, I personally think that the benefits of starting
one
's own
business
outweigh the drawbacks in the long term in case of gaining huge income and the flexibility of working hours.
Nevertheless
,those advantages depend on how well the
owners
handle their own
business
and many relevant factors including economy and
business
trends.
Submitted by phanphetpor on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence. For example, between the benefits and drawbacks, a sentence that guides the reader through the shift could be helpful.
task achievement
While the main points are clear and supported, try to develop them in greater detail. Adding more examples and expanding on the existing ones can strengthen the task response.
general
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'busniess' instead of 'business' and missing spaces after commas. Proofreading can help catch these small mistakes.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear framework for the essay.
complete response
The essay successfully addresses the prompt, discussing both advantages and disadvantages with relevant examples.
supported main points
Main points are logically and consistently supported, which strengthens the argument presented.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • entrepreneurship
  • start-up
  • self-employed
  • financial autonomy
  • business venture
  • profit margins
  • flexible schedule
  • personal satisfaction
  • business failure
  • work-life balance
  • financial risk
  • increased responsibility
  • economic instability
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