Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prioson sentences. Others,however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Throughout
modern
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the modern
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era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crime
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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considerably prevalent in the world. It is
very
Add an article
a very
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long history of convention
when
Correct word choice
that when
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the
Correct article usage
a
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crime
is occurred
Change to the active voice
occurs
has occurred
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, the criminal lost their freedom.
However
Add a comma
However,
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there is various controversy
of
Change preposition
over
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this
automatic
sentence
that criminal receives. There are tremendous
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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of how the criminal could be punished
instead
of receiving
sentence
Add an article
a sentence
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. It is highly agreeable that the criminal must be penalized corresponding
their
Change preposition
to their
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offense
Change the spelling
offence
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. The current law provides mostly
sentence
which direct to the jail unless
offender
Correct article usage
the offender
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commit
serious
Add an article
a serious
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felony. There are tremendous
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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that they got punished
however
the result of
punishment
is very uniform.
Only
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The only
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difference is the period that
offender
Correct article usage
the offender
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stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail. The noticeable problem is that the weight of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
is not measurable.
For example
, the economic criminal and murder
is
Change the verb form
are
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not comparable
however
sometimes the
sentence
of murder and economic criminal receive
similar
Add an article
a similar
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sentence
. In order to offer
fair
Correct article usage
a fair
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sentence
, the corresponding result
such
as
same
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the same
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amount of
penalty
to
economic
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the economic
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offender
and
death
Correct article usage
the death
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penalty
to
killer
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the killer
a killer
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is supposed to be unbiased Meanwhile there is
other
Change the wording
another
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argument that imprisoning is not effective. When it comes to
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
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we
are easily consider
Change the verb form
easily consider
show examples
that they are fairly useless to be
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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of society. The purpose of
imprisoning
Replace the word
imprisonment
show examples
is basically to reform
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
which
do
Change the verb form
does
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not
weight
Correct your spelling
weigh
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on
punishment
.
This
conventional method
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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evaluated
from
Change preposition
by
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some people that the
victim
or family of
victim
Add an article
the victim
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is not considered Especially in South Korea where the
sentence
is fairly light than
Change preposition
in other
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other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
this
criminal considered
punishment
is way too biased.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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when it comes to the case of murder, the
victim
of
this
crime
case could not return any of their ordinary life. Meanwhile, the criminal only
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
decade
Add an article
a decade
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail and eventually
return
Correct subject-verb agreement
returns
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to
back
Verb problem
apply
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their ordinary life. Which directly
imply
Correct subject-verb agreement
implies
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that there is
any
Correct determiner usage
no
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penalty
or compensation to
victim
Add an article
the victim
show examples
. To wrap up,
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
Correct article usage
the victim
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victim
Change noun form
victim's
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perspective the execution of
sentence
Correct article usage
the sentence
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is fairly biased
to
Change preposition
toward
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criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
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and
this
punishment
is not
various
Replace the word
varied
show examples
or specific which is not correctly
aiming
Wrong verb form
aim
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
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proper
Correct article usage
a proper
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corresponding
penalty
. As the above statement mentioned, the conventional
punishment
is required to change to
victim based
Add a hyphen
victim-based
show examples
legislation rather than
offender
-centered execution
Submitted by Choi Sugyeong on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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