IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The main reason that people work hard is to make money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, making
money
Use synonyms
 can be got
by
Suggestion
from
 difficult
work
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 people. In my opinion, I agree that a great amount of people who
work
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 much time can make
money
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.
First
Linking Words
 of all, people who hard
work
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 in their job can get more
money
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 advantages
such
Linking Words
 as opportunity increasing
salary
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.
This
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 means that the employer can see your success in their presentation or project and he will be able to do improving
salary
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.
For example
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, Russian people who
work
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 on selling different products can obtain percent with their sales
that is
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 why they must
work
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 harder. Without increasing
salary
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, many people do not want to
work
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 much harder because their
gob
the principal activity in your life that you do to earn money
job
 is not rated by the employer.
As a result
Linking Words
, getting much
money
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 can help for many people buying a new apartment. Another point to consider is that people want to gain a bonus because of
at
Suggestion
of
 their difficult job.
In other words
Linking Words
, getting a bonus from the employer is helped by many people to go for travelling around the world and
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 city their
country
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.
For instance
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, people who
work
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 harder in Gazprom can often travel around the world and choose a new
country
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 for their
next
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 vacation. Without a bonus for the employee, people cannot go on vacation in different
country
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 because they do not have a lot of
money
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.
Thus
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, getting
money
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 benefits should help persons to trip in their holidays. In conclusion, I think that people must
work
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 a lot more because they get increasing
salary
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 and gain new effects after their vacation in a different
country
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.

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