IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People nowadays are spending more time at the workplace and it is argued that this is a problem for family life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In recent times, people have become workaholics and spend most of their
time
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 at
work
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.
While
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 it can be good for their professional growth, it is believed by some that
this
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 situation is causing more harm than good to their family
life
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. I completely agree with
this
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 notion and believe that it is deteriorating the quality of their personal relationships.
To begin
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 with, the most prominent reason for family issues arising
due to
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 the heavy
work
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life
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 is lack of
time
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 with family. When a person works for prolonged periods to prove his worth in
this
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 competitive environment, he tends to get less
time
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 to spend with his loved ones. Those family members feel ignored and neglected, and
consequently
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, there is turmoil in the relationship.
For instance
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, even if a person earns a significant amount of money by working incessantly for long hours, his children would need his presence to fulfil their psychological needs.
Otherwise
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, they might become rude and disrespectful because of the ignorance.
Therefore
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, less family
time
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 means more problems at home.
Additionally
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, longer hours at
work
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 may lead to unexpected ailments
due to
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work
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 stress which can
further
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 negatively impact family
life
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. It is well known that these days several health issues are arising as people prefer to
work
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 all the
time
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 and take out less
time
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 to exercise.
Therefore
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, fitness levels are declining, and even young adults are dealing with uncommon illnesses.
For instance
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, adults nowadays, in the age group 20-50, are facing cardiovascular issues early in
life
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, resulting in sudden heart attacks. These diseases give rise to huge amounts of money spent to get cured,
further
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 diminishing the quality of
life
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 .
Hence
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, family
life
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 faces more setbacks.
To conclude
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, hustle culture is benefiting no one and it is evident that it impacts family negatively and deters us from experiencing enriching relationships.

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task achievement
While the essay provides strong points and clear examples, consider further elaborating on how work stress specifically impacts family dynamics beyond health issues. This would give a deeper insight into the problem.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas. For example, linking the lack of time with family directly to the resulting stress and health issues would make the argument even more cohesive.
task achievement
Some sentences could be made more concise for clarity. For instance, rather than 'When a person works for prolonged periods to prove his worth in this competitive environment, he tends to get less time to spend with his loved ones,' you might say 'Working long hours leaves less time for loved ones.'
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position and sets up the argument for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reinforces your stance on the topic.
supported main points
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as the impact of prolonged work hours on psychological needs of children.
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