IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People nowadays are spending more time at the workplace and it is argued that this is a problem for family life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, people have become workaholics and spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it can be good for their professional growth, it is believed by some that
this
Linking Words
 situation is causing more harm than good to their family
life
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and believe that it is deteriorating the quality of their personal relationships.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the most prominent reason for family issues arising
due to
Linking Words
 the heavy
work
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 is lack of
time
Use synonyms
 with family. When a person works for prolonged periods to prove his worth in
this
Linking Words
 competitive environment, he tends to get less
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with his loved ones. Those family members feel ignored and neglected, and
consequently
Linking Words
, there is turmoil in the relationship.
For instance
Linking Words
, even if a person earns a significant amount of money by working incessantly for long hours, his children would need his presence to fulfil their psychological needs.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, they might become rude and disrespectful because of the ignorance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, less family
time
Use synonyms
 means more problems at home.
Additionally
Linking Words
, longer hours at
work
Use synonyms
 may lead to unexpected ailments
due to
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 stress which can
further
Linking Words
 negatively impact family
life
Use synonyms
. It is well known that these days several health issues are arising as people prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 all the
time
Use synonyms
 and take out less
time
Use synonyms
 to exercise.
Therefore
Linking Words
, fitness levels are declining, and even young adults are dealing with uncommon illnesses.
For instance
Linking Words
, adults nowadays, in the age group 20-50, are facing cardiovascular issues early in
life
Use synonyms
, resulting in sudden heart attacks. These diseases give rise to huge amounts of money spent to get cured,
further
Linking Words
 diminishing the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 .
Hence
Linking Words
, family
life
Use synonyms
 faces more setbacks.
To conclude
Linking Words
, hustle culture is benefiting no one and it is evident that it impacts family negatively and deters us from experiencing enriching relationships.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay provides strong points and clear examples, consider further elaborating on how work stress specifically impacts family dynamics beyond health issues. This would give a deeper insight into the problem.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas. For example, linking the lack of time with family directly to the resulting stress and health issues would make the argument even more cohesive.
task achievement
Some sentences could be made more concise for clarity. For instance, rather than 'When a person works for prolonged periods to prove his worth in this competitive environment, he tends to get less time to spend with his loved ones,' you might say 'Working long hours leaves less time for loved ones.'
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position and sets up the argument for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reinforces your stance on the topic.
supported main points
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as the impact of prolonged work hours on psychological needs of children.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: