IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

One of the major problems that today’s government faces is creating enough satisfactory housing for their increasing populations whilst still trying to protect the environment. How can this be achieved? Discuss and give your opinion.

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It is difficult for the government that reach a balance between construction and the ecosystem.
While
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 the government in some countries implemented some relevant policies,
such
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 as increasing housing prices to limit the rich buy multiple houses,
this
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 would hamper the right of the poor to have safe housing. In my opinion, there are some potential methods which might resolve
this
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 issue, including inventing sustainable materials, constructing higher buildings, and raising public awareness.
First,
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building a sustainable house is quite essential, and plays a crucial role in environmental preservation. To implement
this
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 idea,
for example
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,
authorities
Use synonyms
 can introduce a regulation which encourages builders to invent eco-friendly materials
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which they construct,
such
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 as renewable wood, fibre or steel.
Apart from
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this
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, residents can install some machines producing renewable energy,
for instance
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, solar panels, rainwater harvesting systems or wind turbines, thereby not only reducing carbon dioxide emissions but
also
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 cutting down on the expense of electricity.
Such
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 effects can
further
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 minimize the environmental damage.
Second,
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due to
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 urbanization, more and more houses were built in cities, which caused higher-density housing, thereby decreasing natural habitats and agricultural land.
Therefore
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, to deal with these problems, reformers can introduce sorts of policies which encourage builders to construct higher buildings, like skyscrapers or apartments.
Also
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,
authorities
Use synonyms
 can combine residential places with commercial spaces, which declines long commutes and,
therefore
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, drops air pollution and traffic congestion.
Finally
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, the government should raise public awareness about the importance of sustainable development. Through educational systems, educators need to lecture on the information on environmental costs of traditional housing.
In addition
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,
authorities
Use synonyms
 can support or provide funds to help citizens start green initiatives. In conclusion,
although
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 rising housing prices sounds like a good measure to achieve the balance between urbanization and the environment, it is better that
authorities
Use synonyms
 introduce a variety of policy, which can benefit both, ranging from construction to education.

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Task Achievement
The introduction effectively outlines the problem, but the thesis could be more explicit about the methods you will discuss. Strengthen your conclusion by reiterating your solutions clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider enhancing transitions between sections and ideas to improve the flow of your argument. Using linking words will help guide the reader more smoothly through your points.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your claims about the importance of sustainable housing and raising public awareness. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a solid understanding of the topic and outlines various methods to address the housing issue while considering environmental impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is logical, with clear topic sentences indicating the focus of each paragraph, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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