IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, people spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#people #time #homes #workplace
People
 now use to spend more
time
 in their offices and
due to
this
 they are not able to spend enough
time
 at home. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss
positives
Correct article usage
the positives
show examples
 of
this
, which can be
promotion
chances
 and more
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
, and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
negatives of
this
such
 as not
enough
Add a missing verb
having enough
show examples
time
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 family and becoming less social. Let's begin with the advantages. It is proven that highly skilled
people
 get their promotions quickly. Overtime gives a chance to employee to
brush-up
Correct your spelling
brush up
show examples
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 skill set;
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 they learn more and get promoted easily as compared to others.
Secondly
, a worker who has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 can earn more. Every company looking for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 employee who is
experenced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 and
more
Add a missing verb
has more
show examples
 knowledge of any specific work and
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 long hours. These organization often agrees to pay more salary to
such
 workers as well. So a
person
 who works more can earn more as well.
For example
, in India, many peoples
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 in 2 shifts to earn more money. more
time
 , brush up their skills,
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 skill set is essential to survive in
this
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 world more
time
,
people
 will learn more and high
chances
 of
get
Change the form of the verb
getting
show examples
promotion
 Let's begin with advantages of spending more
time
 in office. It is scientifically proven that a
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
enironment
Correct your spelling
environment
 playsOffice is the place
when
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 a
person
 can
consentarte
Correct your spelling
concentrate
 more
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 Another advantage of spending more
time
 in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 is
get
Change the verb form
to get
getting
show examples
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
 quickly.
People
 who spend more
time
 in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
are generally spend
Change the verb form
generally spend
show examples
 their
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning. A
person
 with High skillset has
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to get promoted as well. On the flip side, there are disadvantages of adv better
oportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to learn and brush-up skills as we are working more, learn more fair and bright
chances
 of
promotion
 disadvantages no
time
 spend with family
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 children so no social life left, no
frinds
Correct your spelling
friends
 and when needed no one is there to help.
Submitted by test on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career progression
  • earning potential
  • enhanced productivity
  • skill sets
  • work-life balance
  • personal well-being
  • negatively impacting
  • increased stress
  • health issues
  • burnout
  • cardiovascular diseases
What to do next:
Look at other essays: