IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Despise the advances made in agriculture many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case. What can be done to solve this problem?

#advances #agriculture #people #world #case
It is irrefutable that being an advanced technology in the farming sector manifold people around the globe are suffering from starvation. In my opinion, the lack of proper distribution channel is responsible for
this
 issue, and it can be resolved by imposing the stringent action against them.
To begin
 with, the corrupted diffusion flow of the grain is the main reason that the adequate quantity fails to reach out to the maximum people. To be more precise, when the cereal is ready to sell, the brokers charge a heavy amount to transit the grain in the market,
therefore
, the wholesaler or the store keeper buys them at a higher cost, and later on, they cover
this
 price from the consumer by selling the similar product more than the actual market cost.
Hence
, destitute people who cannot afford
this
 cost die from hunger.
Moreover
, annually ample quantity of the harvest rotten in the warehouse rather than reaching to the population of the underdeveloped countries
such Brazil,
Suggestion
such as Brazil,
 Hungry, Syria, and many more because of the poor transport, and the financial conditions
as a result
, the residence of these places suffers from malnutrition and other health issues.
Furthermore
, to overcome these obstacles, the United nation needs to put strict laws against
this
 corruption and the monetary crisis. Simply stated, the law and enforcement agencies should create a check list that must meet the certain parameters like, is every country receiving the meals as per their current population or not, are suppliers selling the harvest as per price set up by the government , are developed countries helping the poor nations to meet their food demands on time. In conclusion, do not but agree that the agricultural industry has enhanced a lot, but people all over the world are deprived of meals because the available stock in the market fails to reach to them due to the improper channelization.
Hence
, the higher authorities should imply the strict rules against
this
 carelessness
Submitted by Rashme on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: