IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In an ever-progressive society, there is a trend towards using public parks and open spaces for local residents to grow
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetables.
This
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 situation contains a lot of impacts that outweigh its benefits to society. Central to
this
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 situation is the difficulties in separating land and managing the ways
people
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 use it.
In other words
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, public places are areas controlled by the government and belong to the country, so it is hard to manage them equally and
also
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 causes many social problems or even breaks neighbourhood communication.
Besides
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, in cities,
fruit
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 and vegetables are expensive goods so can attract thieves and
also
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 a place where
people
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 can throw litter impolitely.
For instance
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, many cities allow dwellers to
plant
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fruit
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 and vegetables but need to close
due to
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 the problems it causes and change to
plant
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 trees or construct new places for exercising.
Hence
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, using public places for planting is impossible.
However
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, there are some
people
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 who believe that
this
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 can encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume healthy food. They argue that it is an opportunity for
people
Use synonyms
 to create their own small gardens in the urban areas that have little land but many residents live in. Perhaps, it is credible, but
plant
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fruit
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 requires large amounts of fertilizers that cause many problems and are toxic to the environment.
Also
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, they can create their own spaces for planting by designing houses with large balconies or roots to
plant
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fruit
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 in the agricultural tubs like the way citizens in large cities
such
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 as Mumbai, Tokyo and Seoul do. In conclusion, utilizing public land for planting is hard to manage and toxic to the environment.
Therefore
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, the impacts of
this
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 situation outweigh its benefits.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of converting public parks into gardens for residents, which demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic. However, you should offer more specific examples and develop your points further for a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a logical structure to your arguments. While your essay is generally coherent, some paragraphs could be better organized. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is consistently developed.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your essay. This will help establish clearer connections between your ideas and make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Include specific and relevant examples to support your points. Anecdotal references to cities like Mumbai, Tokyo, and Seoul are useful, but more concrete examples would strengthen your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a clear framework for your essay.
complete response
You have addressed the question comprehensively, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
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