One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development will outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development

Nowadays, the infrastructure of medical

care

are

Suggestion

well developed in many countries,

this

make people have an ability to

expend

extend in one or more directions

expand

their lifespan. I think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. In

this

essay I will discuss the advantages of

this

development and

Accept comma addition

development, and

why

this

is advantages more than drawbacks. There have some advantages for people can gain the benefit from the improved medical

care

. If people are living longer they will have more times to do the things they want.

For example

, they will have much more time to share happiness with their family and friends. Some parents have their child in their 40s, so if they

living

Suggestion

are living

live

longer, they will have an ability to educate and stay with them.

Additionally

, many people earn more money in their whole

life

in order to pay

Suggestion

for

living

cost

Suggestion

costs

as a result

, if they can expend their

life time so

Accept comma addition

lifetime, so

lifetime so

they can travel everywhere when they retired to

pcik

select carefully from a group

pick

pack

up their quality of

life

Moreover

, in the wake of technology advancing, the

care

of medical development level

have

Suggestion

has

an enormous increase.

This

means if we have some problem of the body,

this

can be improved through operation or take

medecine

the branches of medical science that deal with nonsurgical techniques

medicine

medicines

consequantly

(sentence connectors) because of the reason given

consequently

, the patient can pick up their

life

healthy way

Suggestion

a healthy way

healthy ways

For instance

, some people get cancer and they receive a chemotherapy, for that reason, they can live longer than before. So they have time to do something they want and some case can be cured completely. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the improved medical

care

make

Suggestion

makes

people having a longer

life

, and

this

is outweigh

Suggestion

outweighs

the drawbacks.

Such

as people can have much more

times

Suggestion

time

to do something they want to do, and

also

they can have a quality of

life

because they can receive a

more high

Suggestion

higher

highest

level of the medical

care

Submitted by yeahkubi on Sat Aug 22 2020

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

302 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
elderly population
health care systems
pension funds
extended family relationships
quality of life
aging population
economic growth
volunteer work
expertise
financial planning
retirement
age-related diseases
medical research
healthier lifestyles

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