IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones, or laptops. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss your opinion.

#people #gadgets #phones #laptops
Due to
 the rapid developments being made in the science
stream
Add a comma
stream,
show examples
 many products are being launched every new moon. A group of people opine that there is a trend to purchase modern electronic
items
,
while
 others deem
this
 thought as a waste of money. I reckon that
this
 trend has a myriad of benefits and I will substantiate my view in the following paragraphs
along with
 an example. People learn throughout their entire
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and they constantly improve their knowledge and
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
. First of all, owing to the increase in trade many products are easily available in the market.
In addition
 to
this
,
due to
 mass production skills, these gadgets are not only available at a
less
Correct word choice
small
show examples
amount but
also
 available in abundance.
Secondly
, as a hobby, many children purchase these gadgets to stay updated with technology.
Furthermore
,
due to
this
 not only communication has increased but
also
 a sense of security has increased.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a recent survey conducted in Pune revealed that employees felt more comfortable
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
talking to their kith and kin during office breaks.
Although
 purchasing new gadgets and staying up-to-date has its merits there are certain disadvantages as well.
To begin
 with, as the import of these
items
 increases the economy of a nation decreases.
Moreover
, not only does pollution increase but
also
 the raw
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 needed to manufacture these goods are getting depleted at a faster rate. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted in India states that the amount of pollution has increased by 20%
due to
 the increased sales
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 electronic
items
.
Besides
this
, a lot many toddlers are facing loneliness and other health issues as they prefer to stay isolated. To recapitulate,
this
 trend of purchasing goods has many advantages as compared to its
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 and it is best to purchase these
items
 to stay
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
 and advanced in today's time.
Submitted by fn5847 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology advancements
  • convenience
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • status symbol
  • financial burden
  • obsession
  • impulsive
  • consumerism
  • sustainability
  • e-waste
  • environmentally friendly
  • second-hand market
  • repairability
  • upgradability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: