IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people are afraid to leave home because of crimes. Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crimes, but others feel little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #home #crimes #believe #action
Enthusiasm for discussing the rise in the
crime
 rate is at
a
Add an article
an
show examples
ll-time high, not least in the cities as offenders rob a young lady while she was walking on the small path, alone. As with all the violation of the law, there is some debate about whether
this
 situation demands
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
action
. On the one hand, some people advocate that more control measures, which focus on
crime
 preventing, should be taken. Increasing the presence of
p
Add an article
a
show examples
olice officer is a good deterrent.
Police
 officers are being given powers to help combat
crime
. People who have the purpose to commit a
crime
 might think twice when the local
police
 force is strong and well organized. Declaring strict laws can
also
 prevent
crime
.
Hefty
Add an article
A hefty
show examples
 fine and long prison term might make people feel afraid to violate laws and get punishment.
On the other hand
, some people believe that
although
 taking
action
 can have significant effects, there is nothing
c
Add a pronoun
that
show examples
an be done right now. Curbing crimes is a long-term strategy. The strategy not only needs to use
police
 force and laws to deter people from breaking the laws
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 needs to focus on
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
u
Add an article
the
show examples
nemployment rate and improve people’s safety awareness. It means that it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be a comprehensive plan rather than a single aspect
action
. From another point of view, it
also
 shows that to improve
police
 force and make the community a safer place to live is meaningful from a long-term perspective. In conclusion, I believe more
action
 should be taken to tackle the problem of crimes. Focusing on
s
Add an article
the
show examples
hort period result would not be the best way to solve the problem. The challenge for combating crimes is to find the right long-term plans.
Submitted by wangpeiqi6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: