IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness are decreasing .what do you think are the causes of this problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #level #health #fitness #measures
Nowadays, there is a marked increase in obesity levels accompanied by a decline in fitness levels among some populations. As long as
this
 problem exists, understanding of the reasons and the application of specific measures to fix
such
 a situation is mandatory, which will be discussed in
this
 essay. There are some root causes for
this
 situation, that need to be cleared up.
First
 of all, the lack of organization, which leads to the feeling of a busy schedule, that many people suffer from, which is a weekly schedule, that has no space to cook or exercise.
This
 disorganized situation pushes people to consume fast food a lot and
also
 offers no time for exercise.
Secondly
, the absence of schools’ role in establishing the habits of regular exercising and consumption of healthy food. Schools should observe, and direct students in order to build these routines.
Finally
, the widespread of ads, that encourage fast-food eating by showing how delicious these foods are without showing the negative effects. Speaking of the solutions, that require to be adopted in order to eliminate obesity and encourage exercise. Basically, everyone should reorganize their time by writing a to-do list or attending a time management course, and offer enough space for physical activity and healthy meals in their daily plan.
Moreover
, schools must increase the physical education classes per week and re-check the components of students’ meals. Another important point to be mentioned is that policymakers have to control the content and the spread of ads for the benefit of societies. To sum up, a deep comprehension of the causes, starting from disorganization, absence of schools’ guidance, and to the presence of harmful ads is essential. The application of the corrective procedures in the form of reorganization of the daily plans, changing the schools’ curriculum, and application of new policies needs to be focused on.
Submitted by ougacheourdia890 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: