homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. what do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it?

Homelessness increases in several big
cities
around the world. In my perspective, the main reasons that affect
this
problem
are
urbanisation
and lack of
knowledge
, and it should be solved. Nowadays,
people
are eager to go to metropolitan
cities
for a better living.
However
, if the
urbanisation
activities are executed massively, it will result in a vital
problem
: homelessness, in which many
people
don’t have shelter to live.
This
condition is
due to
the lack of rules focusing on
city
planning, so individuals from the countryside freely move to
cities
without any preparation.
For instance
, everyone dreams hanging their lives in Jakarta because they envisage that there are many jobs available. Meanwhile, there is no specific rule that provides jobs. So,
people
who have been there will do anything to continue their lives,
such
as sleeping on sidewalks or, in a different case, behaving harmful ways for
money
. The second
problem
is individuals who want to move to big
cities
have limited
knowledge
and
problem
solving on managing
money
.
This
issue leads to a serious
problem
since
people
will be trapped in bad impacts
such
as debt and criminalisation.
This
case has been happening in several
cities
in the world.
As a result
, the
city
safeness will be questioned. The
problem
can be solved in two ways:
first,
by limiting
urbanisation
and promoting another
city
to citizens so they can find an alternative
city
to live.
Second,
by equipping citizens with economic
knowledge
, which can overcome the
problem
. Government can facilitate socialisation in some small towns in order to make
people
aware of how important
knowledge
is, especially about managing
money
before moving to big
cities
. In conclusion, the
problem
of homeless
people
increasing in
cities
is a result of
urbanisation
that is
not well managed and
people
awareness of managing
money
.
However
, if the solution mentioned can be implemented by the government, I believe it can bring a bright future to the citizens.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Start with an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis; proceed with body paragraphs (each with a single main idea and supporting evidence), and finish with a well-concluding statement that summarizes your points and reflects on the thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs together. This can include linking words (consequently, furthermore, however), referents (this, these, it), and other phrases that show connections between your thoughts.
Task Achievement
Throughout your essay, be consistent with your point of view. You should maintain a formal and academic tone, avoiding informal language and contractions.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the IELTS task. This includes discussing the causes of the problem as well as specific measures that could solve it. Your examples and arguments should be both relevant and concrete.
Task Achievement
Provide clear, comprehensive ideas that directly address the prompt. While you have presented some ideas relevant to the topic, strive to expand on these ideas with more detailed examples and a deeper analysis to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, you should provide more relevant, specific examples. These examples should support the main points in your argument and be clearly linked to the discussion on the causes and solutions for the problem of homelessness in major cities.

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