Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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Education, especially long-term courses or
studies
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at prestigious universities can be very costly. To still be able to study, a lot of young adults decide to find a
part-timetime
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part-time
job
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. But often their
studies
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and quality of life suffer from the additional responsibility. Symptoms linked to stress and work overload are known medical problems among
students
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. Multiple reasons might oblige a student to work
while
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studying. First of all, it is the simple lack of financial support from his family. It is true that really poor families will be supported by the government to be able to send their kids to university. But
this
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is often not the case with middle-class families. Yet, middle-class families do not necessarily have a lot of money to finance long
studies
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. Another reason can be the choice of place. Some universities are better than others
,
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apply
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but might be in a more expensive city or have higher fees. Some courses are indeed very long and it can be difficult for a family to finance long
studies
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especially when they have more than one child.
Finally
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, finding a part-time
job
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can
also
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be the personal choice of a young adult seeking financial independence. As can be seen, the motivations are various.
However
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there are solutions to help
students
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manage the combined burden of
studies
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and financial commitments. Scholarships are one of them. Another solution can be to offer
students
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job
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possibilities in a field linked to their
studies
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.
This
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will not only make them earn money but
also
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give them experiences useful for their
studies
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and exams. In a way, a student can work and learn at the same time. So it seems to me that the reasons to take a part-time
job
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are diverse, inevitable and often fully understandable. I think solutions –
such
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as scholarships and intelligent and qualifying
job
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possibilities – should be implemented by universities in order to help the
students
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and to increase the quality of education.
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task response
Your essay presents a clear introduction to the topic and discusses the reasons why students may need to work part-time during their studies, as well as potential solutions. However, the essay topic provided was about the comparison between online and traditional education, indicating a misunderstanding of the task given. Ensure that you fully understand the prompt before beginning your essay to improve your task response score.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction to guide readers through your argument. Additionally, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and personal stance, reinforcing the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
When supporting your points, use a wider range of linking words for smooth transitions between paragraphs and within them. While your essay flows relatively well, varying your transitional phrases can enhance readability and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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