Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#education #people #face-face

Education, especially long-term courses or

studies

at prestigious universities can be very costly. To still be able to study, a lot of young adults decide to find a

part-timetime

Correct your spelling

part-time

job

. But often their

studies

and quality of life suffer from the additional responsibility. Symptoms linked to stress and work overload are known medical problems among

students

. Multiple reasons might oblige a student to work

while

studying. First of all, it is the simple lack of financial support from his family. It is true that really poor families will be supported by the government to be able to send their kids to university. But

this

is often not the case with middle-class families. Yet, middle-class families do not necessarily have a lot of money to finance long

studies

. Another reason can be the choice of place. Some universities are better than others

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but might be in a more expensive city or have higher fees. Some courses are indeed very long and it can be difficult for a family to finance long

studies

especially when they have more than one child.

Finally

, finding a part-time

job

can

also

be the personal choice of a young adult seeking financial independence. As can be seen, the motivations are various.

However

there are solutions to help

students

manage the combined burden of

studies

and financial commitments. Scholarships are one of them. Another solution can be to offer

students

job

possibilities in a field linked to their

studies

This

will not only make them earn money but

also

give them experiences useful for their

studies

and exams. In a way, a student can work and learn at the same time. So it seems to me that the reasons to take a part-time

job

are diverse, inevitable and often fully understandable. I think solutions –

such

as scholarships and intelligent and qualifying

job

possibilities – should be implemented by universities in order to help the

students

and to increase the quality of education.

Submitted by 11E4 Community on Sun Mar 17 2024

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task response

Your essay presents a clear introduction to the topic and discusses the reasons why students may need to work part-time during their studies, as well as potential solutions. However, the essay topic provided was about the comparison between online and traditional education, indicating a misunderstanding of the task given. Ensure that you fully understand the prompt before beginning your essay to improve your task response score.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction to guide readers through your argument. Additionally, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and personal stance, reinforcing the coherence of your essay.

coherence cohesion

When supporting your points, use a wider range of linking words for smooth transitions between paragraphs and within them. While your essay flows relatively well, varying your transitional phrases can enhance readability and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

326 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

2- Playing computer games only has negative effects on children

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? Why?