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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening ? How should they be punished ? (approximately 250 words)

Many
minors
Use synonyms
 are becoming criminals in various parts of the world.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon stems from many causes, and I believe that there are many applicable penalties to prevent and overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem. On the one hand, there are several reasons why the rate of crimes committed by
minors
Use synonyms
 is increasing.
Firstly
Linking Words
, negligent
parents
Use synonyms
 can contribute to their
children
Use synonyms
's misbehaviour. It is the responsibility of
parents
Use synonyms
 to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 to differentiate right from wrong by giving them examples. When
parents
Use synonyms
 do not play their roles well, moral values may not be properly instilled in
children
Use synonyms
 in the formative years but they easily conceive negative influences from family, peers, and social groups, so that they can
then
Linking Words
 merely turn to juvenile delinquency because to them the act will not seem immoral or wrong.
Secondly
Linking Words
, low social welfare is
also
Linking Words
 a major contributor to juvenile crime. The expensive expenses for education and healthcare cause many
minors
Use synonyms
 not to be able to go to school and receive adequate attention from society, so they often grow up with a low socioeconomic level and look for ways to survive by themselves
such
Linking Words
 as committing robberies or theft.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that there are various applicable penalties for juvenile offenders. The first one could be community service or other unpaid work as
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crime which is minor in nature. The goal of
this
Linking Words
 is to train the youth to work for others in providing a service to the community and improve the neighbourhood in most circumstances,
thus
Linking Words
 they can understand the value of helping people and being a good member of society. Another compatible penalty could be the blended sentence for teens whose crimes are serious.
Such
Linking Words
 a sentence will condemn
minors
Use synonyms
 to complete their sanctions even if they are under 18 years old since many of them have the conception that they may not be prosecuted
due to
Linking Words
 their age.
As a result
Linking Words
, young offenders and other adolescents would learn the lesson that they cannot commit delinquent activities at any age. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 and adolescents can get involved in offending activities
due to
Linking Words
 the negligence of their
parents
Use synonyms
 or negative social circumstances that surround them, but punishment is always the late answer
while
Linking Words
 society and the family must take care of
minors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the appropriate times to prevent them from committing crimes.

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Task Achievement
You provided a solid response to the task, outlining causes and solutions to juvenile crime. To enhance your score, consider giving more specific examples or evidence that back your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a good introduction and conclusion. To improve coherence, make sure that all your points are well-connected with appropriate linking words and phrases. Adding some transitional phrases could help.
Positive Highlight
You clearly articulated the causes of juvenile crime and proposed reasonable solutions, demonstrating a thoughtful approach to the topic.
Positive Highlight
Your essay has a logical flow, with distinct paragraphs for different points, which enhances readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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