many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Nowadays,because of life expenses individuals are forced to be engaged in their jobs for many hours which leads to having fewer recreational pursuits in their personal lives,I totally agree that a shortage of enjoyment and entertainment can have serious impacts on everyone's life despite being successful in their business period .both merits and demerits of
this
issues will be discussed and explored in this
following paragraphs.
On the one hand,many folks prefer to work
for a quiet week without rest,besides
,they like to collect more money for convenient and comfortable living,for instance
:if you have to buy a precious house ,or go to the best holiday in abroad,hence
,they will work
more,furthermore
,many jobs that need a lot of working hours to become a professional.for instance
: Architect is one of the occupations which require a number of skills and experience. Thus
, a junior designer who holds many projects and works overtime to get the jobs done is significantly promoted to a senior designer or a director.
On the other hand
, working for a long time
cause will damage serious health in the long run. Leisure activities will help you to be active and full of energy for a long time
, especially at the weekend, although
many people prefer to work
longer and longer,but
after a short Remove the conjunction
apply
time
they have felt stress and unhappy mood in life for example
:if you have a job which working for seven days a week,also
,you are tiredness and depressed.as a result
:public should allocate a special time
for leisure time
In conclusion:however
, many population prefer to overwork rather than some fun times,but in this
essay illustrated that work
time
equall necessary and spending time
for the intreast should also
be superiority, I believe there are more disadvantages when it comes to working long times.Submitted by pardisghobadi on
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coherence cohesion
Enhance the use of transitional phrases to improve the flow of ideas. For instance, use connectors such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'On the contrary', etc.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with detailed explanations and examples for stronger support. This demonstrates a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear, but ensure all key points are fully developed in the body paragraphs for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outline and summarize the main argument.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages as required by the task.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and linked to real-world scenarios, which helps in illustrating your points.
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