many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Nowadays,because of life expenses individuals are forced to be engaged in their jobs for many hours which leads to having fewer recreational pursuits in their personal lives,I totally agree that a shortage of enjoyment and entertainment can have serious impacts on everyone's life despite being successful in their business period .both merits and demerits of
this
issues will be discussed and explored in Linking Words
this
following paragraphs.
On the one hand,many folks prefer to Linking Words
work
for a quiet week without rest,Use synonyms
besides
,they like to collect more money for convenient and comfortable living,Linking Words
for instance
:if you have to buy a precious house ,or go to the best holiday in abroad,Linking Words
hence
,they will Linking Words
work
more,Use synonyms
furthermore
,many jobs that need a lot of working hours to become a professional.Linking Words
for instance
: Architect is one of the occupations which require a number of skills and experience. Linking Words
Thus
, a junior designer who holds many projects and works overtime to get the jobs done is significantly promoted to a senior designer or a director.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, working for a long Linking Words
time
cause will damage serious health in the long run. Leisure activities will help you to be active and full of energy for a long Use synonyms
time
, especially at the weekend, Use synonyms
although
many people prefer to Linking Words
work
longer and longer,Use synonyms
but
after a short Remove the conjunction
apply
time
they have felt stress and unhappy mood in life Use synonyms
for example
:if you have a job which working for seven days a week,Linking Words
also
,you are tiredness and depressed.Linking Words
as a result
:public should allocate a special Linking Words
time
for leisure Use synonyms
time
In conclusion:Use synonyms
however
, many population prefer to overwork rather than some fun times,but in Linking Words
this
essay illustrated that Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
time
equall necessary and spending Use synonyms
time
for the intreast should Use synonyms
also
be superiority, I believe there are more disadvantages when it comes to working long times.Linking Words
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coherence cohesion
Enhance the use of transitional phrases to improve the flow of ideas. For instance, use connectors such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'On the contrary', etc.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with detailed explanations and examples for stronger support. This demonstrates a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear, but ensure all key points are fully developed in the body paragraphs for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outline and summarize the main argument.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages as required by the task.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and linked to real-world scenarios, which helps in illustrating your points.