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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is currently believed that children's behavior and misconduct is due to the lack of strict discipline and punishment applied by parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Parenting has become more challenging these days compared to a few years ago.
This
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 is
due to
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 the overwhelming information on nurturing and developing their sons' or daughters' behaviour. Punishing children, as one of the ways, is debatable.
Although
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 many argue that punishment is the better approach, I believe
in
Change preposition
that
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 a balanced
way
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approach
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 would help more in their
overall
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 development, and the benefits of it will be covered in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, if parents are so strict with their young and punishing them for their every
wrong-doing
Use the right word
wrongdoing
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, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 no
ways
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way
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 children could explore
further
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. . The fear of what if it goes wrong cannot allow them to take any risk.
This
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 mentality continues to grow with them, which is detrimental. To illustrate, the national cognitive psychology department surveyed a few elderly
, and
Check wording
people, and
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 90% of them admitted that they never tried anything new because of the fear of failure.
Thus
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, it is evident that
this
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 way has a counteractive effect in the growing age. Contrarily, if the young are never punished for any of their traits, they can never know the difference between good and bad.
Hence
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,
this
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 approach can have a counteractive effect.
However
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, contrary to these popular opinions, there is an interim solution that yields prospective results. As per the New York child health study, 85% of successful people have tremendous family support, and at the same time, their upbringing was occasionally strict.
Thus
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, it proves to be the most viable path. All in all, neither too strict nor too lenient can
never
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ever
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 be fruitful.
Instead
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, a balanced approach has been witnessed to be the best among all.

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planning
Plan your essay. Make a short plan with your view first, then the three main points and a quick end.
cohesion
Use simple link words so the flow is clean. For example: first, next, then, but, also, finally.
evidence
Give clear proof for each idea. Simple facts or small examples work well. Do not use too strange numbers.
grammar
Watch word choice. Use easy words from the top 100 list. Keep your sentences short and clear.
stance
The writer shows a fair view that a middle path can be best.
structure
The plan to use a start, then middle, then end is seen.
organization
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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