IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Whether or not
children
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 should be taught manners by the school or their
parents
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 is a highly controversial issue. Some people believe that families should teach their
children
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 how to be good members of society,
while
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 others hold opposing views.
This
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 essay will look into both perspectives before coming to a conclusion. On one side of the argument,
children
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 are raised by their
parents
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 and
therefore
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 should be taught basic manners
such
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 as respect and responsibility.
This
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 is because their actions will reflect upon their families.
Also
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, adults should set a good example for the youngsters and be a positive role model.
Moreover
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, there is a difference in cultures,
values
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 and traditions.
This
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 means that every family should educate their child on their beliefs, in order to instil
values
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 and keep the traditions going.
On the other hand
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,
schools
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 are institutions where
children
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 go to gain knowledge.
This
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 is where they should learn societal
values
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 and social skills, allowing them to be good members of society and know how to communicate with others from different backgrounds.
For instance
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, students have opportunities to connect with others during events and activities.
This
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 encourages students to be more open-minded and learn to communicate with people from other backgrounds and ethnicities.
Schools
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 provide formal education on citizenship, ethics and social responsibility. In conclusion, I strongly believe that youngsters should learn to be good members of society from their
parents
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 and their
schools
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. They should be taught basic
values
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 and manners by their families, but
schools
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 should help them enhance those skills and
values
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, allowing them to flourish in their communities. Both
parents
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 and
schools
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 should collaborate in
this
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 aspect.

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task
Give more strong proof for each point with real life examples.
task
Have a clear plan and state your view in the intro and restate it in the end.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas go with each other.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one held idea and add more detail to back it up.
task
Add more exact examples about manners at home and at school to show how they are taught.
lexical
Use clear words for acts of manners, like 'respect' and 'polite' to be clear.
strength
The view is clear and the end restates it.
strength
The essay uses good signs to move from one idea to next.
strength
Intro tells the reader that both sides will be shown.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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