Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

#people #money #happiness #importance

Many people in

this

world contemplate that

money

brings happiness in

life

This

essay gainsays with

this

point of view and believes that

money

is not indispensable to get mental peace.

This

essay will confer about the two predominant factors, namely good, and

string

Correct your spelling

strong

show examples

family bonding, which help a

person

lead

life

happily. One of the prominent reasons why

money

is not paramount to

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

a happy

person

is that it cannot ensure the better health of an individual.

That is

to say, health is wealth which cannot be gained through investing

money

. If a

person

is a millionaire and suffering from numerous

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

, he or she can never smile like a healthy

person

Not to mention

, that

person

would surely want to give away his all assets in order to get a normal disease-free

life

For instance

, in 2010, An American squandered 100 crore

dollar

Fix the agreement mistake

dollars

show examples

to develop a medicine so that no virus or disease could harm him, and he could stay immortal and healthy. Another foremost point to consider is that without love, affection, trust, and honesty among family members, it is impossible to get inner peace and stay relaxed.

This

is because a

person

’s ultimate destination and prime priority is his or her family.

That is

why when an individual does not get support, cooperation, and understanding attitude from other members of the family, that

person

will surely suffer from depression even though he or she has innumerable wealth.

This

can be illustrated by the fact that a Bollywood star who was one of the billionaires in India committed suicide in 2019 because his family did not trust his

any

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

words. In conclusion,

this

essay is of the opinion that

money

is not crucial in achieving happiness because staying healthy, and blessing with an understandable family are the topmost factors to bring happiness in

life

Submitted by shawlin90 on Tue Dec 15 2020

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Task Achievement

Your essay provides a clear response to the given prompt, but ensure that your introduction directly addresses the topic statement. Additionally, rephrase the thesis statement to be more direct and clearly state your position.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is strong, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Make sure to include a concluding paragraph which summarizes your key points and restates your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

308 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

facilitation
foundational
comfort
financial stability
pursue hobbies
passionate
fulfilling
satisfying
financial security
peace of mind
mental well-being
fostering
social connections
fulfillment
material possessions
lasting memories
satisfaction
diminishing returns
wealth
translate
significant

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Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that children should be required to do community service in their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?