IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior . Do you agree or disagree?

#amount #violence #television #impact #children #behavior
In recent times, there has been a surge in violence-related programs aired on the media,
consequently
 resulting in a negative effect on youngsters.
This
 essay would
further
 expatiate on the bad influence of viewed frugality on children's activities, a notion I comply with.
To begin
 with, young ones have recently developed a lackadaisical attitude towards hard work due to various fast means to an end seen on television. To
further
 explain, they believe that fraudulent actions aired
such
 as stealing or duping people are a means to an end.
For instance
, a friend who gained admission to the university got involved in computer soft work which was
initially
 lucrative,
subsequently
, he got arrested by the police on criminal grounds which was
as a result
 of what had learnt by watching television and he lost his admission. The effect of these vices is
therefore
 detrimental to the life of young ones, as they eventually lose focus and may engage in larger societal evil.
Secondly
, adolescents imitate actions viewed on social platforms, as their minds are quite impressionable. On some occasions, they may not be able to act out these vices due to their young age,
however
, their minds get corrupted following social exposure as they now see and accept criminality as the new norm.
Hence
, when the opportunity arises, they exhibit frugal behaviour.
For example
, a 13-year-old boy who constantly saw programmes on wife battering ended up having a dysfunctional home. In conclusion, the impact of violence on the young mind is fatal and
this
 cannot be overemphasized because children often portray what they see, a notion to which I earlier agreed. Ultimately.
this
,
therefore
,
therefore
 has a bad influence on society.
Hence
, child viewing must be strictly monitored.
Submitted by damiloladotsarumi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: