Some people say money is one of most essential factor in promoting happiness. do you think people can be happy without happiness.

It is undeniable that

happiness

Use synonyms

has

Add an article

show examples

ignificant role in

the

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apply

show examples

life

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, and some

people

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believe that without

money

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people

Use synonyms

can not enjoy the euphoria. I

am disagree

Change the verb form

disagree

show examples

with

this

Linking Words

trend and mull that there are many other attributes which are essential for

the

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apply

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

with,

although

Linking Words

we cannot deny that having wealthy background can give

people

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more opportunities in

life

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to enjoy

happiness

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but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

there is no evidence which proves that

money

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Add an article

the

show examples

nly thing which can bring joyful in

life

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In other words

Linking Words

financialy

Correct your spelling

financially

financial

weak

people

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can

also

Linking Words

be Jubilant in their

life

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people

Use synonyms

does

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not need

money

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to be happy.

For instance

Linking Words

, In countries like India, Brazil and Pakistan millions of

people

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are living in slums and they even do not have basic facilities but happy in their

life

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which led to us that without

money

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

can

also

Linking Words

be happy.

On the other hand

Linking Words

satisfaction

Use synonyms

and physical health are some of the important traits which

contributes

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contribute

show examples

for

Verify preposition usage

show examples

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, without

satisfaction

Use synonyms

in a career,

Add an article

the

show examples

ndividual cannot enjoy

the

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apply

show examples

mental stability,

Correct your spelling

show examples

Add an article

the

show examples

erson will always try to achieve new goals in

life

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which

drives

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drive

show examples

him/ her away from

satisfaction

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As a result

Linking Words

Add an article

the

show examples

ndividual cannot experience

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, it is believed that health is

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apply

show examples

wealth,

and

Correct your spelling

show examples

unfit body cannot give

joyful

Change the adjective

joyfully

show examples

to the person. Because of which to enjoy the

happiness

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a person needs to be healthy.

For instance

Linking Words

, many billionaires

gives

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give

show examples

hefty

money

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to doctors to get fit and enjoy

the

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apply

show examples

life

Use synonyms

but cannot succeed because of chronic disease.

Thus

Linking Words

without

Add an article

the

show examples

ealthy body is

also

Linking Words

vital for

happiness

Use synonyms

. To conclude,

Eventhough

Correct your spelling

Even though

money

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can play

Add an article

show examples

ajor role in

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

life

Use synonyms

, but to enjoy

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

satisfaction

Use synonyms

and healthy body are other factors which need for

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

life

Use synonyms

sabhidhillon375

Jan 25, 2021

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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