IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

. As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
These days, the invention of technology
such
 as the computer and television has influenced some
people
, especially in their healthy life.
Although
this
 can have a detrimental effect on human’s health, I still believe that the advantages of it are far more significant. The main disadvantage of electronic devices is that
people
 nowadays tend to have a sedentary lifestyle due to excessive time spent on
such
 inventions. Especially for white-collar workers, they are expected to sit down and work almost without breaks in front of the computer’s screen over a long period.
This
 repeated action daily can progressively lead to impaired physical mobility, which can make them suffer from cardiovascular diseases and obesity.
Moreover
, many children today are likely to turn into a couch potato due to the development of these technologies. To be more specific, they have glued eyes to the screens to watch television and reduce the time for participating in outdoor activities.
Therefore
, they may suffer from
v
Add an article
a
show examples
isual impairment that can cause inconvenience in their daily life. Despite the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that these inventions are bringing us more merits than demerits.
Firstly
, using these electronic tools enables
people
 to remove geographical barriers in communication. To be more specific,
people
 now are able to connect with others in many parts of our planet in no time at all.
This
 can help them to get the information faster than their predecessors,
thus
 reinforcing the relationship among them. Overseas students, as an example, can keep in touch with their long-distance acquaintances.
As a result
,they can maintain the bond with each other, which encourages them to overcome the problem of loneliness and homesickness.
Secondly
,
people
 can be informed about what is happening around the globe, especially those living in remote areas like islands or deserts, simply by turning on a television.
For instance
, if a man chose to live in the isolated countryside, his life would be in huge trouble and tedious as a consequence of the absence of
such
 electronic devices. In conclusion, while I support the view that these devices can affect
people
's health, I hold a belief that it has more benefits than downsides.
Submitted by Nina Emily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: