IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Now a days some parents give money to their children if they perform well at school. Do you think this is good or bad friend ?

It is certainly true that proper parenting is never
easy
Rephrase
as easy
show examples
 as
seems
Correct pronoun usage
it seems
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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parents
Use synonyms
 need to
Verb problem
be concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about various factors
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
 of their
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 age. One of these is the trend of giving
money
Use synonyms
 if they perform best in
school
Use synonyms
 activities. I agree that
this
Linking Words
 is a very good trend. In subsequent paragraphs, I will discuss the reasons for my belief with relevant points.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 perform well in
school
Use synonyms
 , they should be motivated to inspire them to do much better.
Also
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 can explain to them
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 significance
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. So, they use
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 very carefully and only when there is a requirement or
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 purpose which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 early maturity in
school
Use synonyms
 students.
For example
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, when I visited my
friend
Use synonyms
, I saw his child doing excellent in the academy
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
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 he knows the value of
money
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
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after
Fix capitalization
After
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 discussing with my
Use synonyms
friend
Punctuation problem
friend,
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 I knew that he gave the
money
Use synonyms
 to his son every year for
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 achievement in
school
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
friend
Use synonyms
 teaches the
children
Use synonyms
 about financial independence. They learn what
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the value of
money
Use synonyms
and
Verb problem
is and
show examples
 how it needs to
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 consciously.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 creates respect in their young mind for their
parents
Use synonyms
 and
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
show examples
 how their
parents
Use synonyms
 have an onus to cope with the situations in parallel to give education to them. All these things cause a positive influence on young minds
resultantly
Punctuation problem
, resultantly
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, once
parents
Use synonyms
 give
money
Use synonyms
 to their
youngers
Use the right word
younger
show examples
, they just initiate to engage their
children
Use synonyms
 in financial
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
. In
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 run, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 crucial advantages for
well-bred
Correct article usage
a well-bred
show examples
 society.
Hence
Linking Words
, I think that it is entirely good
Use synonyms
friend
Check wording
for society
show examples
 if society
understand
Correct subject-verb agreement
understands
show examples
 it positively with
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 plethora of benefits.

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coherence
Improve how you connect your ideas. Make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next.
coherence
Clearly introduce your main points in the introduction and summarize them in the conclusion.
task achievement
Use more examples to back up your ideas and show real-life situations.
task achievement
You provide reasons for your belief, which shows your engagement with the topic.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, and you express a clear opinion on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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