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Band 6.5

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? .

#countries #aim #development #values
Given the increasing population, governments in many countries around the globe focus on
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 development to meet a decent standard of living,
subsequently
 losing some social values. While there are negative outcomes that need to be considered, I suggest that expansion in
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 could potentially help defeat major challenges faced by a
country
.
Firstly
, expanding an
economy
 by connecting with the world has provided financial stability to countries, where, these funds have assisted with improved health care systems, education systems, and better infrastructure for society to live in. utilising resources in a
country
 and exploring methods to improve yields to improve exports is an effective way to develop a
country
. Sri Lanka,
for example
, exports coconut, tea and rubber around the globe which contributes to
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of income generated in the
country
. Industrialisation
therefore
 could be a major benefit to
non- developed
Correct your spelling
non-developed
show examples
 and developing countries.
Secondly
, there are drawbacks that need to be considered
such
 as the loss of land, pollution, deforestation which can directly affect the planet. To put
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 other words, if more factories were to be built, there will be more chemical pollution which will affect oceans and ecosystems.
In addition
,
this
 requires space and land which would harm wildlife and nature. An excellent illustration for
this
 is where the Sri Lankan rain forests have faced deforestation over the
last
 decade reporting certain species facing extinction. While these disadvantages need to be considered the advantages would outweigh these advantages with a dramatic increase in
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 population as compared twenty years ago. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 the pros of an advanced
economy
 offset the cons as discussed above, the finances generated could be utilised for major challenges in a
country
 where a comfortable could be provided to the community.
Submitted by rcbota12 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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