Growing up in the city is better for children's development and it helps them have a good life later on compared to living in the village. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In recent years, parents prefer to raise their
children
in the city
. Because they think it is better for the children
's development. Also
, they agree that city
life
helps the juveniles to have a good life
in the future
compared with the ones who live in the village. I firmly believe that growing up in a village has more benefits for the individual compared with metropolitan life
.
On the one hand, going up in the city
has so many opportunities for the person. For instance
, because of the population in the cities, children
can communicate with other kids more. Namely , this
can benefit the individual's social skills. However
, all children
are not the same. Some kids can have difficulties when communicating with others. So, this
problem can affect the children
's future
lives such
as not being able to attend to a project or jobs. Because of this
problem, some people
can be depressed in their future
life
.
On the other hand
village life
has better effects on mental health. Some researchers say that growing up in nature affects the person in a positive way. Because nature makes the person to be calm in every situation. So this
development affects the future
life
in a good way. Because the people
who grew up in urban areas know how to be calm in complicated situations. So this
development has a significant place in job life
.
In conclusion, growing up in the city
has so many opportunities, such
as communicating with other people
. However
, I definitely agree that growing up in urban areas such
as villages has so many benefits in a psychological way. These developments can reduce the number of people
who have mental health problems or panic attacks.Submitted by mcqueensever
on
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task achievement
Aim to provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Work on offering clearer, more detailed explanations of your main points to improve clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph strictly supports the main point and is clearly linked to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by connecting ideas and transitions between paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a stable framework for your argument.
task achievement
You've made a good attempt at presenting a balanced view, considering both sides of the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite