Some people think that violent sports such as martial arts and boxing should be banned from international competitions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a growing debate over whether aggressive
sports
like martial arts and boxing should be prohibited in international competitions. I strongly contend that these sports
, which glorify violence
, should indeed be banned, as they pose significant risks not only to the participants but also
to society
as a whole. This
essay will substantiate this
view by examining the detrimental effects these sports
have on both athletes and spectators.
Firstly
, it is imperative to acknowledge that violence
, in any form, should not be endorsed or normalised, particularly in a global arena where the values of sportsmanship and respect are paramount. When children witness violent sports
on television, they are often impressionable and prone to mimicry. Numerous incidents in schools have demonstrated that young viewers, influenced by programmes such
as WWE, attempt to replicate dangerous moves, often resulting in serious injuries. Such
exposure to violence
at an early age can desensitise children, potentially fostering aggressive behaviour that may lead to conflicts in their personal and social lives. Therefore
, allowing these sports
to continue sends the wrong message about acceptable behaviour in society
.
Moreover
, the physical and psychological toll on athletes involved in these violent sports
cannot be overlooked. Repeated exposure to head injuries, for instance
, has been scientifically proven to cause long-term damage, including chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a debilitating brain condition. The tragic case of many former boxers who have suffered severe mental decline or even death due to
repeated head trauma is a stark reminder of the risks associated with these sports
. For example
, the case of a once-celebrated boxer who was rendered quadriplegic after a single unfortunate punch highlights the inherent dangers these sports
pose. It is unconscionable to continue endorsing activities that lead to such
devastating outcomes.
In addition
to the harm inflicted on athletes, these violent sports
also
have a corrosive effect on society
. The normalisation of aggression as entertainment can desensitise audiences to violence
, reducing empathy and increasing tolerance for violent behaviour in other contexts. This
is particularly concerning in an era where media consumption is at an all-time high, and the potential for negative influence is significant.
In conclusion, I unequivocally support the notion that violent sports
such
as martial arts and boxing should be banned from international competitions. The risks they pose to both participants and society
far outweigh any perceived benefits. In a world that increasingly values peace and mutual respect, there is no place for sports
that glorify violence
and endanger lives.Submitted by khushichhillar on
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task achievement
Consider adding diverse perspectives to strengthen the argument further. For example, acknowledging the counter-arguments about the benefits of these sports and then refuting them would provide a more balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is very well-structured, varying the transition phrases could improve the flow even more. Try integrating synonymous transition words to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
task achievement
Providing more statistical evidence or referencing specific studies could further reinforce your arguments. Although your points are strong, empirical data can give them additional weight.
introduction and conclusion
The essay has a clear and compelling introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples that clearly illustrate the dangers of violent sports.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, showing a deep understanding of the topic. The language used is precise and articulate.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.