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Writing Samples
Band 5

Vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous To what extent do you agree or disagree.- discuss the extent to which do you agree or disagree.

#children #diseases
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Vaccinating
children
 is unpopular among parents in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Some claim that
vaccinations
 are hazardous and dangerous to
children
.
This
 essay will argue why vaccinating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 is important and necessary to protect them from contagious
diseases
. Some parents are wary
Change preposition
of
show examples
vaccinating their
children
 against preventable disease. They have justified that
vaccines
 have adverse effects and these might put their
children
 in danger
instead
 of preventing them from these fatal
diseases
.
Furthermore
, they’ve reasoned out that
children
 do not need
vaccinations
 anymore because they already have their immunity when they were breastfed
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their mothers. They cited some
vaccinations
 which had adverse
Replace the word
effects
show examples
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 on
children
 and these had tremendously affected the
children
. Overall, parents have thought that vaccinating
children
 is unimportant and could put their
children
 in jeopardy. Contrary to their belief,
vaccinations
 against preventable
diseases
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very important and necessary despite some risk because
this
 will protect them. The benefits of these
vaccines
 are far greater than the adverse effects that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may bring towards the
children
.
Children
’s immune system is insufficient and cannot readily fight some of these fatal
diseases
that’s
Change the verb form
that are
show examples
 why they need to have these
vaccines
 early in life up to
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 age. There are vaccination programs of the government specifically to fight these
diseases
such
 as
vaccines
 for polio, BCG, measles, MMR, DPT etc. These
diseases
 are fatal and without these
vaccines
Add a comma
,vaccines
show examples
 the lives of these
children
 are at high risk. Overall, it is
imperative
Verify preposition usage
toimperative
show examples
vaccinating
Change the verb form
to vaccinate
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 to prevent them from these dreadful
diseases
. In summary,
this
 essay argued why vaccinating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 is imperative and important to keep them safe. In my opinion, I strongly agree that vaccinating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 is medically necessary to protect them from dangerous
diseases
.
Submitted by carolgtadeo28 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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