Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapinness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #hapinness #happiness

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It is true that money plays an indispensable role in every individual's existence, which helps them find

happinness

Correct your spelling

happiness

. In my opinion, people cannot remain in a happy state without money, as life becomes quite challenging without it.

In addition

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, having peace and sublime health are the two aspects which makes a

person

Use synonyms

live with merriment.

To begin

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with, being financially stable is of paramount importance because without it human survival becomes quite burdensome. The reason for

this

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is that without proper finances carrying out menial tasks,

such

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as doing groceries, buying clothes, paying bills and so on, becomes immensely .

As a result

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, a citizen starts relying on relatives and parents for financial aid.

Furthermore

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, if being contingent on family and friends continue for longer periods, a

person

Use synonyms

may eventually lose their identity and begin to have radical thoughts.

For instance

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, it was recently reported in

Times

Correct article usage

the Times

show examples

of India newspaper that a doctor, who was the sole

breadearner

Correct your spelling

bread earner

bread-earner

of his family, attempted suicide after failing to provide monetary support to his wife and children. There are,

however

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, two aspects

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

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are considered to be a blessing and

brings

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bring

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immense pleasure

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show examples

Use synonyms

person

Replace the word

personal

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existence. The

first

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one is health, if a

person

Use synonyms

is healthy, they can easily overcome any obstacles they face during their lifetime.

However

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, being sick or handicap may deprive them of leading a normal lifestyle. Another factor is peace, there are many underprivileged

family

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families

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who can barely afford

one-time

Add an article

a one-time

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meal, but

are

Change the verb form

show examples

leading a peaceful life, while there are others though hail from an affluent family

are

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show examples

under depression. Taking celebrities as an example, seven out of ten actors and actresses undergo rehabilitation to overcome anxiety and to find

tranquility

Change the spelling

tranquillity

show examples

. In conclusion, I believe that having money is imperative, for one would not be able to act freely and every trivial

tasks

Change to a singular noun

task

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become distressing.

Moreover

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, having

Correct article usage

apply

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sound health and

peaceful

Correct article usage

a peaceful

show examples

life brings abundance satisfaction to human beings.

Submitted by ieltsspeaking760 on Mon Apr 26 2021

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapinness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many believe that being good at a sport is result of talent while others think that it comes from hard work. Discuss both views and give your reasons.

Nowadays, many people have easy access to computers and a large number of children play computer games.

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff all the time including holidays. Do you think the advantages of this are more than its disadvantages?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?