IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? prison = dangrous, and consequence Rehabilitation = fix, mental problems

#prison #place #criminals #dangrous #consequence #rehabilitation
Some people say that criminals should be in
jail
,
while
 others reject that because prisons are useless, and
instead
, they should get treatment or be in rehabilitation. In
this
 report, I will go through both sides
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
then
 allow me to share my point of view. Criminals are dangerous, scary, and thuggy;
as a consequence
, they should be in
jail
. Being in prison is an ideal way to protect others.
For example
, some reports showed that when killers left prison, they caused a lot of
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 and injuries.
Also
, many people acknowledge that they get scared when they see a culprit, even if
this
 one is just a thief, so the government is putting them in
jail
 to protect the citizens and to make sure the population feels comfortable, safe, and secure.
Moreover
, killers, thieves, and offenders have made mistakes,
as a result
, they should be alone somewhere to think about their mistakes and how to fix them. Many studies illustrated that after spending time in police
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
, offenders were capable of identifying their mistake and recognizing its impact, either on them or on their environment
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
Although
 the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points that hold equal strength.
Firstly
, treating the offender's mental health is essential. A study captured that perpetrators are suffering some psychological issues, and being in
jail
 will not fix their issues, so they should be sent to clinics.
Secondly
, many offenders are not evil. An article captured that some culprits
murdered
Add a missing verb
were murdered
show examples
 because of a variety of reasons
such
 as poverty, anger, and drinking alcohol.
However
, these people should be directed to the correct path,
instead
 of consuming their whole lives in a dark room. In conclusion, even though being in prison is helpful, useful, and safe, being in rehabilitation is more beneficial,
efective
Correct your spelling
effective
, and strategic.
As a result
, I completely agree that culprits should get treatment or work on community services.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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coherence cohesion
To further improve, try to include a wider range of sentence structures for increased variety.
task achievement
Consider introducing counter-arguments in a more balanced way to enhance the complexity of your argument.
task achievement
Be cautious with generalizations about criminals and ensure a nuanced view to avoid oversimplification.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and presents your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear logical structure that guides the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the essay's main points.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, enhancing your argument's credibility.

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