IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that we do not need printed newspapers anymore. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, modern technology changes the way of reading many things
such
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 as books,
news
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, and articles by e-learning. It is considered by some individuals that printed
paper
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 is no
more
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longer
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 required for the reading journal. I agree with the notion without any qualms.
To begin
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 with, there are various compelling reasons why
paper
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news
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 should
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be replaced
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 with another form. The primary reason is that it is a costless approach for many people. To elaborate, a reader can not only access free
news
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 on the internet but
also
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 it allows individuals to stay UpToDate regarding everything which happened worldwide.
For example
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, some
statics
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statistics
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shows
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show
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 that the majority of working employees prefer to read
news
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 online with
upgrade
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upgraded
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 content
due to
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 their fast-paced lifestyle,
instead
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 of the printed magazine which is published on a particular day.
Therefore
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, more and more masses now prefer online newspapers. On the same scale, the other most concerning reason is deforestation which may be led by the unnecessary use and production of
paper
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. To explicate, the pulp and
paper
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 industries are responsible for the man-made catastrophes of forests because papers are made of cellulose which is contained in wood.
For instance
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, the worldwide newspaper published millions in one year which leads to increases in pollution rate
as well as
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 the main danger to wildlife habitat.
Thus
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, the internet is the best source of information and content as compared to printed
paper
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. In conclusion, in my opinion,
although
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 printed newspapers are still popular among some people, later and sooner people will be aware of their consequences. In the future, printing newspapers will be replaced by paperless content on e-learning sites.

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task achievement
You should ensure a clear line of argument throughout the essay, directly addressing the question posed. While your position is stated, it needs to be consistently developed and elaborated upon with greater detail and specific examples.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific illustrations to support your points. General statements are less effective than those supported by concrete examples or data.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more logical progression of ideas. While your essay has some structure, ideas sometimes jump without clear connections. Use cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. They are present but could be more impactful if they provided a clearer roadmap at the beginning and a more thorough summary of your argument at the end.
coherence cohesion
Main points are identified, but they require stronger support. Develop each main point with sufficient evidence and a thorough explanation to provide a compelling argument.
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