IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

Nowadays , more community expect to live more than ever before. In many nations around the world , growth
expectancy
Use synonyms
 will go higher .
This
Linking Words
 essay will consider the main causes of rising apply average life
expectancy
Use synonyms
 , before proposing two possible solutions . Perhaps the most important cause of an increase in average life
expectancy
Use synonyms
 is the number of a nation who retired at an early
age
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, if the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who retired is increasing , the load on the government will be rising
such
Linking Words
 as a pension , the government is always giving a pension for
people
Use synonyms
 after pullout and
this
Linking Words
 would be an
Replace the word
effect
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on the economy .Another key factor is the percentage of young
people
Use synonyms
 who will look after elderly
people
Use synonyms
 will be declining .
This
Linking Words
 means that the young
people
Use synonyms
 who need to work at least 12 hours per day because of the contribution , there will bear to pay taxes at an old
age
Use synonyms
 and that’s difficult . Fortunately ,
however
Linking Words
 ,there are two promising solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the evacuation
age
Use synonyms
 , the ministry should be increase the old
age
Use synonyms
 of retirement so the individual can be able to take care of themselves .
Secondly
Linking Words
 , encourage immigration .
This
Linking Words
 means the social authorities should advocate immigration to increase the number of young public who will pay duty .
For instance
Linking Words
 , if foreign folk tend to move into other countries ,
then
Linking Words
 the tax rate would be balanced to a great extent . In conclusion , rising in average
expectancy
Use synonyms
 of life is a serious problem which is primarily caused by
apply
Change the form of the verb
applying
show examples
 the number of retirement public , along with the proportion of the young population who will afford
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
. I recommend that the government address
this
Linking Words
 issue by increasing the retirement youth and encourage immigration .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: