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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, children spend a lot of time on their smartphones. What are the reasons for this? What can parents do to reduce this problem?

Nowadays,
children
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 are spending an increasing amount of
time
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 on their smartphones.
While
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 there are several key reasons behind
this
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, it can be addressed if parents take some effective measures. There are several reasons that are responsible for
this
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 problem. One primary reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 digital platforms provide instant gratification through algorithm-driven content. Applications like TikTok and YouTube Shorts deliver endless streams of entertaining videos tailored to individual preferences, creating compulsive viewing habits. Another factor is that they don't want to miss anything that happens on the internet, which makes them more addicted to smart devices.
Furthermore
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, today's generations do not have enough facilities to do outside activities
such
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 as playing with their friends and doing some alternative.That causes them to focus more on online platforms for getting attached to their friends and having more entertainment. To tackle
this
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 issue, parents should create boundaries regarding the use of devices.
For example
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, they can set daily screen
time
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 limits and restrict phone use during important times
such
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 as meals or before bed.
Also
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, they should encourage their
children
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 to do sports, reading and some creative hobbies.
Moreover
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, guardians have to make a bond with their child and spend some quality
time
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 with them to boost their creativity as well. These not only reduce their screen
time
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 but
also
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 promote physical and mental development. In conclusion, the excessive use of smartphones among
children
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 is mainly
due to
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 addiction and limited alternative activities.
However
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, by setting rules
,
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and
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 promoting healthier habits, parents can effectively reduce
this
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 problem and make a productive life for their
children
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.

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coherence cohesion
Make your ideas a bit more clear. Some lines are hard to follow, like the part about outside activities.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Add spaces after full stops, and make each sentence flow in a smooth way.
task achievement
Give one more clear example for each main idea. This will make your answer stronger.
task achievement
Explain your points a little more deeply, especially why children use phones so much.
task achievement
You answered both parts of the question: reasons and what parents can do.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task achievement
Your main ideas are relevant to the topic.
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