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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness, while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and examples from your experience.

#people #individuals #happiness #factors
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Since remote times, being happy has always been a human desire. Some
people
 think that achieving happiness is the responsibility of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 particular person, while others argue it is the result of external factors.
This
 essay will discuss both, why happiness is dependent
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the individual and his or her surrounding. On the one hand, we have to be conscious that when
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
decisions
, these and their consequences are our responsibility.
For instance
, most of us have once taken a choice that in the end did not
resulted
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 as expected,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
people
 around us advocated against our decision. We are all aware of our personal ambitions and want the best for ourselves, these
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 us the possibility of
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 the best
decisions
 with responsibility.
Therefore
, nobody can be happy without taking personal life
decisions
.
On the other hand
, as human beings living within a
society
Add a comma
,society
show examples
 we inevitably establish relations and
conexions
Correct your spelling
connexions
connections
 with
people
 and things in our environment.
For example
, there are activities
such
 as attending concerts or sports events, in which sharing with others augments our feeling of joy. We are social individuals that need to share and coexist.
Thus
, it is certain that
decisions
Correct article usage
the decisions
show examples
 and behaviours of
people
 close to us can impact positively or negatively our state of happiness. In conclusion, individuals are responsible of the
decisions
 that take them to be happy,
however
, the surrounding has a direct contribution too. In my opinion, we are the most capable of taking the best choices regarding what and with whom we do certain things that will bring joy into our lives.
Submitted by chrisbourlon on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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